I walked into the maxillo facial surgeon's office on Monday and was told that the wires clamping my jaw together would be replaced by rubber bands. What this means is that the wires around each tooth remained intact but the "up and down" wires holding my upper and lower jaws together were removed. The "individual tooth wires" and the rubber bands will then be on for another two weeks. I was also told now I could easily talk, switch to soft foods, and breathe again.
Based on this, which of the following is/are NOT true:
a) My gums would be less cut up by the wires.
b) I could switch from a mostly liquids to a soft foods diet.
c) I could talk more easily.
d) I could throw away the syringes.
If you identified b), c), and d) as the false statements, you would be correct and win a gold star!
I made the mistake, however, of taking the surgeon at his word and got very excited talking to Jake during the trip home about getting rid of the syringes and eating overcooked eggs for lunch. I then got home, tried to take a bite a yogurt with a spoon, screamed in agony, realized that my jaw was also very unhappy with all of the talking, and decided that the surgeon needed to actually go through this experience so that he'd know what he was talking about.
Sigh.
Still, things on the medical front are better. It's easier to use the syringe than when the foods had to made it past all of the wires. I can breathe a little bit better, even if not as well as expected. I'm talking to an ENT surgeon at Tufts about scheduling nasal surgery for May or June. I have fewer wires chopping up my lips (which have pretty major callouses on them).
I think I'm more frustrated now though by the slow progress because my expectations were so high. Truth be told, I am feeling a little sorry for myself.
--K--
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
The relaxing pedicure that wasn't...
So, I thought I'd take a break in the middle of my currently favorite dinner...pureed carrots, pureed V8 buttermilk soup, and pudding, to write about the relaxing pedicure I tried to get today. While I did get a pedicure, I'm not sure I would characterized it as a "relaxing pedicure."
This visit to a salon came courtesy of my very nice friends from work. Before I continue, let me add the caveat that my friends had nothing to do with what transpired next.
I walked into this salon, which was new to me, and the very cheerful and energetic 27-year-old technician started with small talk. About 10 minutes into this, I explained that it's difficult for me to talk (today was particularly tough because it's cold, so my breathing was really bad). "Oh...ok."
She worked in silence for about 45 seconds. Followed by, "So how old are your kids? What are you going to do this summer? Do you have any weekend plans? Can you recite the Pledge of Alligence? Now can you recite it backwards? If you were a cookie, what kind would you be and why?..."
AAAARRRGGGHHHH!
This was followed by shouting across the salon of her weekend plans, ending with, "I hope I'm not hung over tomorrow. I hate when I come to work hung over."
The next time I want to be pampered, I'm going to get my oil changed.
--K--
This visit to a salon came courtesy of my very nice friends from work. Before I continue, let me add the caveat that my friends had nothing to do with what transpired next.
I walked into this salon, which was new to me, and the very cheerful and energetic 27-year-old technician started with small talk. About 10 minutes into this, I explained that it's difficult for me to talk (today was particularly tough because it's cold, so my breathing was really bad). "Oh...ok."
She worked in silence for about 45 seconds. Followed by, "So how old are your kids? What are you going to do this summer? Do you have any weekend plans? Can you recite the Pledge of Alligence? Now can you recite it backwards? If you were a cookie, what kind would you be and why?..."
AAAARRRGGGHHHH!
This was followed by shouting across the salon of her weekend plans, ending with, "I hope I'm not hung over tomorrow. I hate when I come to work hung over."
The next time I want to be pampered, I'm going to get my oil changed.
--K--
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Same ol' same ol' (kind of)
I've been asked from time to time about lapses in blogging. My less frequent appearances are because a lot of healing involves...waiting. And waiting. And waiting. I don't need to visit doctors daily. I just need to wait. But that's what healing is. There's actually a lot going on, but not that lends itself to blogging.
For those of you who know me well, this is not exactly my forte. "Can the wires come off NOW? How about NOW? NOW? NOW? NOW?..."
Otherwise, the days slowly move along, and I wait for the days the wires come off; and then for the days I can move my jaw again; and then for the days I can chew. I wonder if my jaw is always going to look a little distorted as it does right now. I think about when to schedule the nasal surgery. Probably sometime this summer, since the bones need to be healed enough not to create new problems by having more surgery. I wonder what other surgeries will be needed. I was told to expect more and that what they are will become more obvious over time but I don't know yet.
I try to be in the here and now and sometimes I'm better at it than others. Gratitude keeps me in the moment. I think about hoping that someone in the hospital would answer the call button and bring me a Popsicle after several days of vomiting. And then I think about being able to go for a walk and how much better this is than the hospital experience. And I'm grateful for that. When I'm syringing, I remember this could have easily been so much worse. We Friends are a tough family. And I'm grateful for that.
There is a lot to be grateful for. Even when I don't feel like being grateful, there really is a lot to be grateful for.
Anyway, less to blog about daily...but a lot going on...
--K--
For those of you who know me well, this is not exactly my forte. "Can the wires come off NOW? How about NOW? NOW? NOW? NOW?..."
Otherwise, the days slowly move along, and I wait for the days the wires come off; and then for the days I can move my jaw again; and then for the days I can chew. I wonder if my jaw is always going to look a little distorted as it does right now. I think about when to schedule the nasal surgery. Probably sometime this summer, since the bones need to be healed enough not to create new problems by having more surgery. I wonder what other surgeries will be needed. I was told to expect more and that what they are will become more obvious over time but I don't know yet.
I try to be in the here and now and sometimes I'm better at it than others. Gratitude keeps me in the moment. I think about hoping that someone in the hospital would answer the call button and bring me a Popsicle after several days of vomiting. And then I think about being able to go for a walk and how much better this is than the hospital experience. And I'm grateful for that. When I'm syringing, I remember this could have easily been so much worse. We Friends are a tough family. And I'm grateful for that.
There is a lot to be grateful for. Even when I don't feel like being grateful, there really is a lot to be grateful for.
Anyway, less to blog about daily...but a lot going on...
--K--
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
More Misc Musings...
I should offer a prize for good titles.
I'm glad I've continued to work out. I am not nearly as strong as I used to be (understatement of the month). And my breathing is so poor, I can't do much cardio either. That said, it helps me mentally in so many ways. It wouldn't if I compared myself to pre-accident but instead, I've been comparing myself to the previous week or the time I was in the hospital. And then I'm so glad to be even able to move and proud for pushing myself (without overdoing it), that I feel better because of that as well.
This accident robbed me of the ability to control a lot of my activities and my life. Exercising feels like a tiny way to take some of that control back.
Good and bad days…like the rest of us, I have them. For me, the good days make me think I’m going to have a linear projection of good days…where I can breathe relatively better and feel energized and stay awake all day. I haven’t been surprised when a good day is followed by a day where I can’t get much air in and I’m constantly exhausted. But I am disappointed I don’t seem to have a linear trajectory of good days in a row yet.
Btw, I like the word, “trajectory.”
When I’m better again, I hope I remember it’s the little things, as much as the big things, that make our lives richer. I found V8 makes this wonderful butternut squash soup. In the blender on “puree” for about 30 seconds and voila!
And no, I don’t get a commission for sales on V8 soups…or on Muscle Milk. Much as I should…
--K--
Sunday, March 21, 2010
4 weeks and counting...
Tomorrow marks the 4th week that the wires have been on. Usually, I feel like time passes remarkably quickly but not now. I am acutely aware of EVERY SINGLE DAY.
So, I just had lunch; a mix of canned carrots and spaghetti sauce thrown in a blender. Does that sound good or what? My mouth is now an orange mess, so I'll do my daily or every other day uber cleaning ritual.
And what might that be? First, we start with a baby toothbrush and a Waterpik. The Waterpik has been a lifesaver. It's the only thing that gets the gunk out from between the wires. Then I take off the pieces of wax covering the sharpest points, on the gums above and below my top and bottom teeth. The wax has been accumulating food all day, so it's usually not a pretty sight. Then I do a really thorough cleaning, which feels great. Then I put in new pieces of wax, which is kind of awkward because my lips are swollen and somewhat cut up and in the way.
For those of you having trouble picturing it, I cannot open my mouth AT ALL. My upper teeth are essentially tied to my lower teeth, with no possibility of movement. While I can't wait to brush and floss my teeth post-wires, I imagine it'll be seriously disgusting in there after 6 weeks!
Was that too much information? Are you sorry you read my blog today? :)
--K--
So, I just had lunch; a mix of canned carrots and spaghetti sauce thrown in a blender. Does that sound good or what? My mouth is now an orange mess, so I'll do my daily or every other day uber cleaning ritual.
And what might that be? First, we start with a baby toothbrush and a Waterpik. The Waterpik has been a lifesaver. It's the only thing that gets the gunk out from between the wires. Then I take off the pieces of wax covering the sharpest points, on the gums above and below my top and bottom teeth. The wax has been accumulating food all day, so it's usually not a pretty sight. Then I do a really thorough cleaning, which feels great. Then I put in new pieces of wax, which is kind of awkward because my lips are swollen and somewhat cut up and in the way.
For those of you having trouble picturing it, I cannot open my mouth AT ALL. My upper teeth are essentially tied to my lower teeth, with no possibility of movement. While I can't wait to brush and floss my teeth post-wires, I imagine it'll be seriously disgusting in there after 6 weeks!
Was that too much information? Are you sorry you read my blog today? :)
--K--
Friday, March 19, 2010
Updates; Food
First, updates:
The MRI showed the process fracture at C5 and related swelling. The neurosurgeon said that is why I am having back pain; it's referred pain. He said this should improve as the fracture heals. I'm going to take a conservative approach and try physical therapy and muscle relaxants if needbe. I'm going to look for better office furniture as well, since the main time this hurts is when I sit at a desk, and I will be doing a lot of that when I return to work.
Food:
There has been a lot of interest in what I'm eating. It's a strange diet, since I'm used to being able to eat...well...food. I'll just take yesterday as an example.
3-4 containers of Muscle Milk
2-3 yogurts
Baby food oatmeal (ground up enough to make it into a syringe)
2 cans of tomato soup
2 canned of pureed carrots
1 box of chocolate pudding
Oddly, I'm not tired of what I'm "eating." But I'm really missing what I'm not having. The part I'm finding the most frustrating is having to drink/liquefy everything and using the syringe.
Using a syringe allows me to eat more "solid" foods, like yogurt and pudding. I could just go with an all-liquid diet, but it really livens things up to be able pretend to eat something. However, in addition to just not being all that appealing, it often irritates my already cut-up-from-the-wires lips. And inevitably, at least 25% or more ends up on my clothes, the table, the floor...
I also recently found out that it'll be a month or more after the wires are removed before I'm eating anything resembling a normal diet. In fact, it will even be awhile before I can eat soft foods. I guess your jaws become very stiff from lack of use and don't open very well.
At least I'll be able to breathe better. And if I could throw away my syringe collection, I'd be a happy camper. But...that said...I was so psyched for a burger (an item for which I never have cravings) and carrots and apples.
--K--
The MRI showed the process fracture at C5 and related swelling. The neurosurgeon said that is why I am having back pain; it's referred pain. He said this should improve as the fracture heals. I'm going to take a conservative approach and try physical therapy and muscle relaxants if needbe. I'm going to look for better office furniture as well, since the main time this hurts is when I sit at a desk, and I will be doing a lot of that when I return to work.
Food:
There has been a lot of interest in what I'm eating. It's a strange diet, since I'm used to being able to eat...well...food. I'll just take yesterday as an example.
3-4 containers of Muscle Milk
2-3 yogurts
Baby food oatmeal (ground up enough to make it into a syringe)
2 cans of tomato soup
2 canned of pureed carrots
1 box of chocolate pudding
Oddly, I'm not tired of what I'm "eating." But I'm really missing what I'm not having. The part I'm finding the most frustrating is having to drink/liquefy everything and using the syringe.
Using a syringe allows me to eat more "solid" foods, like yogurt and pudding. I could just go with an all-liquid diet, but it really livens things up to be able pretend to eat something. However, in addition to just not being all that appealing, it often irritates my already cut-up-from-the-wires lips. And inevitably, at least 25% or more ends up on my clothes, the table, the floor...
I also recently found out that it'll be a month or more after the wires are removed before I'm eating anything resembling a normal diet. In fact, it will even be awhile before I can eat soft foods. I guess your jaws become very stiff from lack of use and don't open very well.
At least I'll be able to breathe better. And if I could throw away my syringe collection, I'd be a happy camper. But...that said...I was so psyched for a burger (an item for which I never have cravings) and carrots and apples.
--K--
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
My experience as a patient
I'm writing today's column inspired by being angry at my latest physician visit.
This morning, I had an MRI. I knew that I would be in a small tube and that claustrophobia could be a concern.
What I didn't know was that I would have to listen to extremely loud noise for 30 minutes. The technician asked if I had any questions before starting the procedure. I thought I knew what was going to happen. Asking, "Will it sound like I will be listening to jackhammers the entire time?" didn't occur to me. Go figure.
It would have taken an extra 45 seconds to explain what was going to happen. I did a lot of deep breathing and visualization and got through it, but it was unnecessarily stressful because I wasn't given even basic information.
I am a researcher. I have been conducting research for most of 30 years. I have a lot of respect for the research on which Western Medicine is built. I understand how a good investigation is conducted. And I get frustrated when people just dismiss Western approaches because they don't understand research, and embrace Eastern because what sometimes sounds like "magic" is easier to comprehend.
Up until this accident, I have probably given lip service to seeing the need for a balance between Eastern and Western Medicine. But I didn't really "get" it. I do now. Western Medicine, as it is PRACTICED, can be very alienating. I don't mean my experience with individual practitioners; there are some whose intelligence and compassion have been exemplary. But the field as a whole has a lot to learn from its counterparts.
I think if Eastern Medicine were practiced with the often same lack of regard for the individual, interest in it would decline exponentially. There has to be a better way to do this.
--K--
This morning, I had an MRI. I knew that I would be in a small tube and that claustrophobia could be a concern.
What I didn't know was that I would have to listen to extremely loud noise for 30 minutes. The technician asked if I had any questions before starting the procedure. I thought I knew what was going to happen. Asking, "Will it sound like I will be listening to jackhammers the entire time?" didn't occur to me. Go figure.
It would have taken an extra 45 seconds to explain what was going to happen. I did a lot of deep breathing and visualization and got through it, but it was unnecessarily stressful because I wasn't given even basic information.
I am a researcher. I have been conducting research for most of 30 years. I have a lot of respect for the research on which Western Medicine is built. I understand how a good investigation is conducted. And I get frustrated when people just dismiss Western approaches because they don't understand research, and embrace Eastern because what sometimes sounds like "magic" is easier to comprehend.
Up until this accident, I have probably given lip service to seeing the need for a balance between Eastern and Western Medicine. But I didn't really "get" it. I do now. Western Medicine, as it is PRACTICED, can be very alienating. I don't mean my experience with individual practitioners; there are some whose intelligence and compassion have been exemplary. But the field as a whole has a lot to learn from its counterparts.
I think if Eastern Medicine were practiced with the often same lack of regard for the individual, interest in it would decline exponentially. There has to be a better way to do this.
--K--
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
More doctor visits
Yesterday I had a consultation with an ENT surgeon at the New England Medical Center (Tufts) about my breathing difficulties. He told me that the nasal damage is significant (you'd never be able to tell just looking at me). The surgery has to be scheduled at least 3-6 months post-accident so that the fractures are healed and stabilized.
Although the original plan was to remove the jaw wires and have the nasal surgery at the same time, now it sounds like they will be two separate events. He did indicate that he thought my breathing would improve a lot once the wires were removed. I have to confess that emotionally, I'm kind of glad for a break between activities. My head was not ready for more surgery yet, though if that had been the best course medically, I would have done it.
Tomorrow is a spinal MRI, followed by a visit with a neurosurgeon later in the week. My back is still extremely sore, even painful at times. I am hoping that this problem either has an easy solution, or requires no intervention and will quickly heal on its own. Sigh...
It's not raining and is a little warmer, which is better on my breathing, so I'm going to officially declare today an ok day (so far, anyway). One day at a time...
--K--
Although the original plan was to remove the jaw wires and have the nasal surgery at the same time, now it sounds like they will be two separate events. He did indicate that he thought my breathing would improve a lot once the wires were removed. I have to confess that emotionally, I'm kind of glad for a break between activities. My head was not ready for more surgery yet, though if that had been the best course medically, I would have done it.
Tomorrow is a spinal MRI, followed by a visit with a neurosurgeon later in the week. My back is still extremely sore, even painful at times. I am hoping that this problem either has an easy solution, or requires no intervention and will quickly heal on its own. Sigh...
It's not raining and is a little warmer, which is better on my breathing, so I'm going to officially declare today an ok day (so far, anyway). One day at a time...
--K--
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Blech...
That kind of sums up how I've been feeling this weekend. I've been exhausted and sleeping more than usual. Not from depression; I'm just very fatigued.
Part of that is because my breathing is poor. I can't get enough air into my lungs on and off throughout the day. It's always worse in the morning. My ENT said it's due to structural nasal damage. I have a consultation with a surgeon in Boston tomorrow. He will hopefully remove the wires and do the surgery in a few weeks. I am counting the hours!
Also, my lips are very cut up and swollen. I keep applying wax to the wires, but it's hard to find all of the spots that irritate.
So that's my tale of woe at the moment. I'm trying to do good things for myself. I go to the gym daily. I don't do much there but even a few sit-ups and leg exercises helps me feel some sense of reclaiming control of my body. When I can, I get on a cardio machine and work at a pace that, pre-accident, I could have slept through; I'm barely moving. But it doesn't matter; it still improves my mood. I've been unexpectedly patient with having to slow down so much.
Also, I'm grateful in spades. For the fact that my tale of woe could have been so much worse. For having a wonderful family and friends and colleagues. And, of course, for Muscle Milk and chocolate pudding.
--K--
Part of that is because my breathing is poor. I can't get enough air into my lungs on and off throughout the day. It's always worse in the morning. My ENT said it's due to structural nasal damage. I have a consultation with a surgeon in Boston tomorrow. He will hopefully remove the wires and do the surgery in a few weeks. I am counting the hours!
Also, my lips are very cut up and swollen. I keep applying wax to the wires, but it's hard to find all of the spots that irritate.
So that's my tale of woe at the moment. I'm trying to do good things for myself. I go to the gym daily. I don't do much there but even a few sit-ups and leg exercises helps me feel some sense of reclaiming control of my body. When I can, I get on a cardio machine and work at a pace that, pre-accident, I could have slept through; I'm barely moving. But it doesn't matter; it still improves my mood. I've been unexpectedly patient with having to slow down so much.
Also, I'm grateful in spades. For the fact that my tale of woe could have been so much worse. For having a wonderful family and friends and colleagues. And, of course, for Muscle Milk and chocolate pudding.
--K--
Friday, March 12, 2010
Misc musings...
Little things can make such a big difference lately. Today, I was given a few empty syringes from our local CVS that are much easier to use than those I'd previously been using, which meant the pulverized green beans and cream of broccoli soup went down more easily. And I was able to place some wax over the most irritating of the wires, so my lips were less of a mess at the end of lunch.
Watching Rocky trying to beg for whatever delicacy I'm attempting to eat via syringe is pretty entertaining.
I'm discovering that there are almost no over-the-counter adult versions of any medication or vitamin. So I'm taking the kiddie version. Today was a blue gel bubble gum flavored version of Advil. Disgusting? You betcha! And I have the added bonus that my teeth are now covered in blue goo.
Visited my office yesterday. I work with such talented and nice people! It was great to see everyone. Plus, it was a special day for me. I blew my hair dry and got out of my sweats. AND stayed awake all day (a rare event...I think all of the pain and medications and not eating enough make me very sleepy).
Today I saw a neurosurgeon for the vertebral fracture. He's encouraged but cautious and wants to schedule an MRI. I have become a full-time doctor and lab test visitor.
Dealing with the insurance company, which is offering to pay almost nothing, is enraging. Thank goodness I have the help from wonderful HR folks in our head office. I don't know the right answer to our insurance system, but I can write in spades right now about what's wrong.
--K--
Watching Rocky trying to beg for whatever delicacy I'm attempting to eat via syringe is pretty entertaining.
I'm discovering that there are almost no over-the-counter adult versions of any medication or vitamin. So I'm taking the kiddie version. Today was a blue gel bubble gum flavored version of Advil. Disgusting? You betcha! And I have the added bonus that my teeth are now covered in blue goo.
Visited my office yesterday. I work with such talented and nice people! It was great to see everyone. Plus, it was a special day for me. I blew my hair dry and got out of my sweats. AND stayed awake all day (a rare event...I think all of the pain and medications and not eating enough make me very sleepy).
Today I saw a neurosurgeon for the vertebral fracture. He's encouraged but cautious and wants to schedule an MRI. I have become a full-time doctor and lab test visitor.
Dealing with the insurance company, which is offering to pay almost nothing, is enraging. Thank goodness I have the help from wonderful HR folks in our head office. I don't know the right answer to our insurance system, but I can write in spades right now about what's wrong.
--K--
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
The view from Monsterland
For those of you who don't know, when I first met my now stepsons, I referred to them as, "the monsters," which they got a huge kick out of. "I'm her favorite monster!" "No, I'm her favorite monster!"
Anyway, it has been enormously refreshing to see my current situation from their perspective. They really don't seem phased by what has felt like complete turbulence to me.
When I first saw them after returning from FL, and was trying to talk (I'm difficult to understand), they didn't miss a beat. I asked how that was possible. Adam explained, "We always mumble with our mouths full of food, so we're used to this." When they come over and I walk in the room, they're glad to see me but won't look up for more than 15 seconds if a video game is more engrossing. When I'm at the dining table, syringe in hand, they don't act like there is anything remotely unusual about eating in this manner.
The normalcy that they provide is really a nice change from how disorienting this feels to me.
It's good to have the Monsters around.
--K--
Anyway, it has been enormously refreshing to see my current situation from their perspective. They really don't seem phased by what has felt like complete turbulence to me.
When I first saw them after returning from FL, and was trying to talk (I'm difficult to understand), they didn't miss a beat. I asked how that was possible. Adam explained, "We always mumble with our mouths full of food, so we're used to this." When they come over and I walk in the room, they're glad to see me but won't look up for more than 15 seconds if a video game is more engrossing. When I'm at the dining table, syringe in hand, they don't act like there is anything remotely unusual about eating in this manner.
The normalcy that they provide is really a nice change from how disorienting this feels to me.
It's good to have the Monsters around.
--K--
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Finally a little bit of good news
I saw a local maxillo facial surgeon today, one of the numerous physicians I am visiting of late. She told me that I would need the wires for 6 weeks (i.e., an additional 4 weeks). Since I had previously been hearing 8 weeks, the possibility of two fewer weeks made me downright gleeful.
I offered to pay her a trillion zillion dollars to remove them today. No such luck.
I am amazed how healthy you need to be to be sick. Everyday brings a new series of physician visits, phone calls, and paperwork. Dealing with the bureaucracy alone is staggering. My wonderful surgeon in FL has been promising to fax my records and disability forms daily. I have yet to receive anything. I feel great empathy for folks without the love and support I receive from family and friends and without good insurance.
Between this, and 2 hours to eat yogurt, and not being able to breathe...no wonder I'm exhausted by about 8 PM every evening.
--K--
I offered to pay her a trillion zillion dollars to remove them today. No such luck.
I am amazed how healthy you need to be to be sick. Everyday brings a new series of physician visits, phone calls, and paperwork. Dealing with the bureaucracy alone is staggering. My wonderful surgeon in FL has been promising to fax my records and disability forms daily. I have yet to receive anything. I feel great empathy for folks without the love and support I receive from family and friends and without good insurance.
Between this, and 2 hours to eat yogurt, and not being able to breathe...no wonder I'm exhausted by about 8 PM every evening.
--K--
Monday, March 8, 2010
Can't think of a subject line today...
Thank goodness at least we're having nice weather. It's much harder for me to breathe outside when it's cold out. The warmer temperatures have been lovely.
Yesterday, I made the mistake of going out to lunch with Jake and the boys. I say "mistake" because I didn't realize how difficult it was going to be to sit in a restaurant, watching folks eat real food, especially when I was hungry. The meal only lasted an hour but it felt like weeks; I couldn't wait to get out of there! Lesson learned.
I'm pretty ready to rip out these wires and not drink my meals. I keep hoping I'm going to see one of my current 10 or so doctors and she's going to tell me that I'm the exception and the wires can come out in 4 weeks, instead of the anticipated 6-8.
I think that's unlikely but hey!...a girl can dream, can't she?
--K--
Yesterday, I made the mistake of going out to lunch with Jake and the boys. I say "mistake" because I didn't realize how difficult it was going to be to sit in a restaurant, watching folks eat real food, especially when I was hungry. The meal only lasted an hour but it felt like weeks; I couldn't wait to get out of there! Lesson learned.
I'm pretty ready to rip out these wires and not drink my meals. I keep hoping I'm going to see one of my current 10 or so doctors and she's going to tell me that I'm the exception and the wires can come out in 4 weeks, instead of the anticipated 6-8.
I think that's unlikely but hey!...a girl can dream, can't she?
--K--
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Some FAQs...
Here are some answers to FAQs from the peanut gallery.
Q: How does your face look?
A: Remarkably good. Based on my x-rays, I was told I should look somewhat deformed...and I don't. My jaw and lips are still swollen, and my lips have some prominent scars on them. But the facial swelling and black and blue coloring have diminished significantly.
Q: Can you describe the jaw wires?
A: Picture braces that a teenager might wear...except instead of covering my teeth, they are embedded in the gums. Then clinch your teeth as tightly as you can and then use wire to loop each upper band to each lower band.
Q: How do you breathe?
A: With difficulty. The only spaces to breathe are any gaps between my teeth, of which I have very few, and my nose, which is partially blocked.
Q: I'll bet you're drinking a lot of milkshakes.
A: Actually no. I can't use a straw, so I am limited to items that can be sipped from a glass or squirted into my mouth with a syringe. So most of what I drink is lukewarm to avoid tooth sensitivity.
Q: What are you eating?
A: Any liquids. The most solid item I can consume is yogurt and it can't have fruit in it. Yesterday's breakfast was 2 yogurts and a jar of spaghetti sauce I'd put into a blender. It's an odd diet. I've read online of folks who will put anything into a blender...roast beef sandwiches; you name it. That doesn't really appeal to me. I'm also consuming high protein drinks.
Q: I'll bet you're losing weight!
A: Yes, about 10 pounds. I didn't need to lose weight, and I'm not thrilled with feeling so weak. That said, from what I've read, everyone with wired jaws loses weight. The amount you have to drink or time spent syringing food gets tiring. I also understand that everyone gains weight again once the wires come off, so I'm not concerned about it. I'm just trying to make sure I'm maintaining some healthy balance, taking liquid vitamins, etc.
Q: Do you want to rip the wires out?
A: YES!!
Q: How long will you have to wear them?
A: An estimated 6-8 weeks total. This Monday marks the end of Week Two.
Q: What are some of the better suggestions you've received in how to cope with your accident?
A: There are many. Some that stand out include: a) take your pain medications and don't tough it out; b) veggies and fruits with liquids in a blender will taste 100 times better than commercial baby food; c) get used to people staring and go about your life as much as you can; d) listen to your body. When it's telling you to slow down and rest, you should slow down and rest; and finally e) take people up on their offers to help you.
--K--
Q: How does your face look?
A: Remarkably good. Based on my x-rays, I was told I should look somewhat deformed...and I don't. My jaw and lips are still swollen, and my lips have some prominent scars on them. But the facial swelling and black and blue coloring have diminished significantly.
Q: Can you describe the jaw wires?
A: Picture braces that a teenager might wear...except instead of covering my teeth, they are embedded in the gums. Then clinch your teeth as tightly as you can and then use wire to loop each upper band to each lower band.
Q: How do you breathe?
A: With difficulty. The only spaces to breathe are any gaps between my teeth, of which I have very few, and my nose, which is partially blocked.
Q: I'll bet you're drinking a lot of milkshakes.
A: Actually no. I can't use a straw, so I am limited to items that can be sipped from a glass or squirted into my mouth with a syringe. So most of what I drink is lukewarm to avoid tooth sensitivity.
Q: What are you eating?
A: Any liquids. The most solid item I can consume is yogurt and it can't have fruit in it. Yesterday's breakfast was 2 yogurts and a jar of spaghetti sauce I'd put into a blender. It's an odd diet. I've read online of folks who will put anything into a blender...roast beef sandwiches; you name it. That doesn't really appeal to me. I'm also consuming high protein drinks.
Q: I'll bet you're losing weight!
A: Yes, about 10 pounds. I didn't need to lose weight, and I'm not thrilled with feeling so weak. That said, from what I've read, everyone with wired jaws loses weight. The amount you have to drink or time spent syringing food gets tiring. I also understand that everyone gains weight again once the wires come off, so I'm not concerned about it. I'm just trying to make sure I'm maintaining some healthy balance, taking liquid vitamins, etc.
Q: Do you want to rip the wires out?
A: YES!!
Q: How long will you have to wear them?
A: An estimated 6-8 weeks total. This Monday marks the end of Week Two.
Q: What are some of the better suggestions you've received in how to cope with your accident?
A: There are many. Some that stand out include: a) take your pain medications and don't tough it out; b) veggies and fruits with liquids in a blender will taste 100 times better than commercial baby food; c) get used to people staring and go about your life as much as you can; d) listen to your body. When it's telling you to slow down and rest, you should slow down and rest; and finally e) take people up on their offers to help you.
--K--
Friday, March 5, 2010
Today's update
The realities that there will be more challenges ahead hit in a big way today. I saw an ENT, who told me that my breathing difficulties were from bone spurs and a collapsed value blocking my right nostril and partially blocking the left. I will need additional surgeries when the jaw wires are removed to correct these issues.
I'm not surprised; I was told that I might need more surgeries once the previous ones had begun to heal. And having so much difficulty breathing on and off is still uncomfortable and, at times, scary...I have to slow myself down and talk myself out of panicking.
Nonetheless, I had a small meltdown after we left the doctor's office. I'm unhappy about having more surgery and more anesthesia and more nausea and more pain. I realize I'm whining, but that's where I am today. I want my body and my life back again.
Jake continues to be an amazing support. And I never take for granted that I'm really really lucky to have all of my wonderful family members and friends. My mother- and father-in-law sent me flowers that arrived right after I returned from the doctor's office. God is very busy letting me know I'm well-cared for.
--K--
I'm not surprised; I was told that I might need more surgeries once the previous ones had begun to heal. And having so much difficulty breathing on and off is still uncomfortable and, at times, scary...I have to slow myself down and talk myself out of panicking.
Nonetheless, I had a small meltdown after we left the doctor's office. I'm unhappy about having more surgery and more anesthesia and more nausea and more pain. I realize I'm whining, but that's where I am today. I want my body and my life back again.
Jake continues to be an amazing support. And I never take for granted that I'm really really lucky to have all of my wonderful family members and friends. My mother- and father-in-law sent me flowers that arrived right after I returned from the doctor's office. God is very busy letting me know I'm well-cared for.
--K--
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Thank you...
This list won't be inclusive but I'll do my best. So many wonderful wonderful friends, family members, and strangers have moved me deeply. "Thank you" barely scratches the surface of the depth of my appreciation.
My husband Jake, whose love and patience make me very happy that we are life partners.
The Monsters, who remind me that hugs and stuffies are important in healing.
My brother Alan, whose sense of humor and pragmatic advice remind me so much of our father and mother. I am so glad I have my brother in my life!!
My father, whose sense of humor and resiliency, clearly inherited from his parents, were passed along to me.
My mother, who loved life, collected amazing friends, and taught me the joy of marshmallow sweet potatoes.
My stepdad Harry, who called them like he saw them. I know he's cheering me on.
Lee, for her calls and support and for nice reminders of my father.
My cousin Lance and his partner Cary. For recipes that I can eat with my jaw wired shut using only an EZ Bake Oven.
Our friend and fairy godmother Pam, whose love of our family and our doggie makes our lives so much richer.
My other brothers and sister, for their precious notes of support. :-)
Rocky, Daisy, Brandi Lee, Ladybird, Carly, Maggie, Linc, Muffin, Max, Kobe, and Coach, who remind me that all pills go down better with a treat.
Yasmin and Steve, for Rocky Jr. and Tyger Jr. and her new book. And for a longtime friendship.
Jake's family, who always makes me feel like one of the gang.
My Uncle Veeck, his partner Rosie, and Pudge, whose love of chickens still makes me laugh.
My cousins Steve, Debbie, Laura, Todd, John, Mindy, Mike Melanie, and Jeff, for their support and the Friend family spirit. And a reminder that a horse is a horse, of course of course...
My mentors and friends at work. I am blessed to work with such an amazingly intelligent, talented, and caring group of individuals.
Our neighbors, who always seem to find ways to do nice things for us before we've even asked and who really define what "neighbors" is about.
My Pinemere friends (Go Greens!) who, after a 30-year absence, rekindled the gift of sisterhood.
Doug in CA, who even bought his own syringe to join the fun.
Cheryl who has been so good about keeping in touch long after the demise of Crown Books.
My friends who have multiple sclerosis and who work for the MS Society. They are truly grace under fire and their energy to fight this disease encourages me to fight my small battle here.
And the same for my friends who fight breast cancer and other challenges. They inspire me.
Trish, Kaki, Rachel, Peanut, and Vivian. For love and laughter and Whole Foods.
MiniBird, who understands the importance of a blanket and a good snack.
Diane, whose coffee cake in a blender is rumored to be out of this world.
My Aunt Barbara and Freedman cousins, for their well-wishes and for being wonderful aunt and cousins.
Bill, who suggested that the inability to breathe is a real problem needing an aggressive response. And for 30 years of mentoring and friendship.
My dear friend David, for love, support, and Tiliapia Smoothies.
My Yale buddies, for their wisdom and love over the years. Go Bulldogs!
Holly, Selene, Kim, Christy, and Cris. For friendship, support, and baby food recipes.
Adrianna, for cowboy boots and loaf.
David and Susan, who helped inspire this blog.
Robin, who understands that you can be a lot more productive if you're wearing fuzzy slippers.
Beth, whose tales from the gym gave me a good laugh.
Other family members and friends and strangers, too numerous to mention, who cheered me on and whose love and support remind me of what a special place this world is.
To all of you...THANK YOU!!!....
--K--
My husband Jake, whose love and patience make me very happy that we are life partners.
The Monsters, who remind me that hugs and stuffies are important in healing.
My brother Alan, whose sense of humor and pragmatic advice remind me so much of our father and mother. I am so glad I have my brother in my life!!
My father, whose sense of humor and resiliency, clearly inherited from his parents, were passed along to me.
My mother, who loved life, collected amazing friends, and taught me the joy of marshmallow sweet potatoes.
My stepdad Harry, who called them like he saw them. I know he's cheering me on.
Lee, for her calls and support and for nice reminders of my father.
My cousin Lance and his partner Cary. For recipes that I can eat with my jaw wired shut using only an EZ Bake Oven.
Our friend and fairy godmother Pam, whose love of our family and our doggie makes our lives so much richer.
My other brothers and sister, for their precious notes of support. :-)
Rocky, Daisy, Brandi Lee, Ladybird, Carly, Maggie, Linc, Muffin, Max, Kobe, and Coach, who remind me that all pills go down better with a treat.
Yasmin and Steve, for Rocky Jr. and Tyger Jr. and her new book. And for a longtime friendship.
Jake's family, who always makes me feel like one of the gang.
My Uncle Veeck, his partner Rosie, and Pudge, whose love of chickens still makes me laugh.
My cousins Steve, Debbie, Laura, Todd, John, Mindy, Mike Melanie, and Jeff, for their support and the Friend family spirit. And a reminder that a horse is a horse, of course of course...
My mentors and friends at work. I am blessed to work with such an amazingly intelligent, talented, and caring group of individuals.
Our neighbors, who always seem to find ways to do nice things for us before we've even asked and who really define what "neighbors" is about.
My Pinemere friends (Go Greens!) who, after a 30-year absence, rekindled the gift of sisterhood.
Doug in CA, who even bought his own syringe to join the fun.
Cheryl who has been so good about keeping in touch long after the demise of Crown Books.
My friends who have multiple sclerosis and who work for the MS Society. They are truly grace under fire and their energy to fight this disease encourages me to fight my small battle here.
And the same for my friends who fight breast cancer and other challenges. They inspire me.
Trish, Kaki, Rachel, Peanut, and Vivian. For love and laughter and Whole Foods.
MiniBird, who understands the importance of a blanket and a good snack.
Diane, whose coffee cake in a blender is rumored to be out of this world.
My Aunt Barbara and Freedman cousins, for their well-wishes and for being wonderful aunt and cousins.
Bill, who suggested that the inability to breathe is a real problem needing an aggressive response. And for 30 years of mentoring and friendship.
My dear friend David, for love, support, and Tiliapia Smoothies.
My Yale buddies, for their wisdom and love over the years. Go Bulldogs!
Holly, Selene, Kim, Christy, and Cris. For friendship, support, and baby food recipes.
Adrianna, for cowboy boots and loaf.
David and Susan, who helped inspire this blog.
Robin, who understands that you can be a lot more productive if you're wearing fuzzy slippers.
Beth, whose tales from the gym gave me a good laugh.
Other family members and friends and strangers, too numerous to mention, who cheered me on and whose love and support remind me of what a special place this world is.
To all of you...THANK YOU!!!....
--K--
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
And we're back...
So, I'm still here, cup of decafe in hand, bleeding on the cup, snoring because my airways are still blocked (this just gets better and better by the second, doesn't it?), and thought it would be a good time for an update.
We came home very late last night and I am sooooo happy to be back (snow and all!). The most difficult part was trying to travel without carrying too much for the vertebral fracture. I've come to the conclusion that traveling is a lot easier if you're healthy. I was also concerned about having ear/sinus problems with the changes in cabin pressure on takeoff and landing, but that wasn't too bad.
The refrigerator had a surprise restocking with tons of juices and home cooked meals by our wonderful neighbors. I was so moved by their generosity and thoughtfulness. Events like this really reinforce my belief that there is a LOT of good in the world.
Visitors are welcome. I will be spending a fair amount of time at doctors' offices and just engaging in activities of daily living. When eating a yogurt takes 45 minutes, your day fills up pretty quickly! But if you'll be visiting, just make sure you let me know if you'll be bringing your own syringe for a snack or if you want to borrow one of mine.
--K--
We came home very late last night and I am sooooo happy to be back (snow and all!). The most difficult part was trying to travel without carrying too much for the vertebral fracture. I've come to the conclusion that traveling is a lot easier if you're healthy. I was also concerned about having ear/sinus problems with the changes in cabin pressure on takeoff and landing, but that wasn't too bad.
The refrigerator had a surprise restocking with tons of juices and home cooked meals by our wonderful neighbors. I was so moved by their generosity and thoughtfulness. Events like this really reinforce my belief that there is a LOT of good in the world.
Visitors are welcome. I will be spending a fair amount of time at doctors' offices and just engaging in activities of daily living. When eating a yogurt takes 45 minutes, your day fills up pretty quickly! But if you'll be visiting, just make sure you let me know if you'll be bringing your own syringe for a snack or if you want to borrow one of mine.
--K--
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
And away we go...for real! :-)
Happy girl! I'm going home tonight. In fact, I'm typing this in the airport. Even my jaw wire cutters made it. I think the process of getting through security exhausted me enough to sleep for about 6 hours.
And better still, I got all of the bandages off! My face still hurts like heck but at least I can take a shower and wash my hair.
In contrast, the wires were tightened. I wonder if there's a way to blenderize a Snickers Bar to make it syringe-ready?
--K--
PS: The airport has Muscle Milk! Is that good karma or what??!!
And better still, I got all of the bandages off! My face still hurts like heck but at least I can take a shower and wash my hair.
In contrast, the wires were tightened. I wonder if there's a way to blenderize a Snickers Bar to make it syringe-ready?
--K--
PS: The airport has Muscle Milk! Is that good karma or what??!!
And away we go...
I'm really really hoping to get the surgeon's ok to go home today. My suitcase is mostly filled with pharmaceuticals and a token pair of jeans and t-shirt. Thank you everyone and hopefully my next post will be from Massachusetts!!
--K--
--K--
Monday, March 1, 2010
Not a bad day
I'm doing much better than I was even a week ago. The facial deformity and bruising have improved exponentially. I still have a lot of trouble breathing; I'm still eating with a syringe; and I still get tired insanely easily.
But things have improved enough that there is a good chance we can go home tomorrow, and I can complete additional treatments in MA. Happy camper here! I miss the Monsters and doggie and friends and neighbors. Cold weather be damned!
My body is demanding I respect a lot of its limitations right now. For example, despite the fact that I'm taking fewer pain medications, I'm still incredibly tired. Likely, I assume, because there is an enormous amount of energy involved in healing. I won't be able to drive for awhile and that will be challenging in suburbia. I could go on but suffice it to say, I'm learning a lot about letting go of what I can't control...and there's a lot I can't control.
On a more humorous note...tonight's dinner was cream of chicken soup. I didn't realize the tiny pieces of chicken would find a way to get lodged in the metal in my mouth and cut off a far amount of air. So I frantically brushed the braces and swirled water to make sure the airways spaces stayed open. I have one piece of chicken though that is now lodged on a wire on the inside of my mouth and I can't seem to get it to move. I hope some liquid one day forces it out of its current location and that it doesn't just sit there until these come off in 1 - 2 months! Does this sound like something Rosaana Anna Dana from the old SNL would have written?
--K--
But things have improved enough that there is a good chance we can go home tomorrow, and I can complete additional treatments in MA. Happy camper here! I miss the Monsters and doggie and friends and neighbors. Cold weather be damned!
My body is demanding I respect a lot of its limitations right now. For example, despite the fact that I'm taking fewer pain medications, I'm still incredibly tired. Likely, I assume, because there is an enormous amount of energy involved in healing. I won't be able to drive for awhile and that will be challenging in suburbia. I could go on but suffice it to say, I'm learning a lot about letting go of what I can't control...and there's a lot I can't control.
On a more humorous note...tonight's dinner was cream of chicken soup. I didn't realize the tiny pieces of chicken would find a way to get lodged in the metal in my mouth and cut off a far amount of air. So I frantically brushed the braces and swirled water to make sure the airways spaces stayed open. I have one piece of chicken though that is now lodged on a wire on the inside of my mouth and I can't seem to get it to move. I hope some liquid one day forces it out of its current location and that it doesn't just sit there until these come off in 1 - 2 months! Does this sound like something Rosaana Anna Dana from the old SNL would have written?
--K--
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