Further proof, if we needed it, that segways are dangerous

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39382682/ns/health-more_health_news/

Very tragic, but hopefully this will make folks think twice about riding the things!

As for me: I'm doing great! No more surgeries (I hope), so that's the biggest improvement. I still spend a lot of time visiting doctors for follow-ups. And visiting dentists. My bite is still off and my mouth hurts sometimes. And my lips are still partially numb, even after 7.5 months! I guess this is a long recovery.

But compared to where I was, this is a huge improvement.

The other lingering annoyance is the ongoing battle with the insurance company. Since dentists have had to get involved and I don't have dental coverage, they are arguing these visits shouldn't be covered. I'm still explaining...and explaining...and explaining...that I'm not seeing the dentist to have my teeth whitened! It's a medical issue.

I'll keep trying...

Thanks to everyone who sent me the news about the Segway CEO's accident.

--K--

Lotsa nothing

This is a good report, insofar as there's really nothing much to report. My nose still has some swelling and therefore congestion, but it's much better and improving by the week. My bite is still off (I can't really bite carrots or chewy bread) but again, much better and I'm no longer in pain.

I'm particularly happy to report that I'm beginning to get feeling back on the right side of my lips. I was concerned that the nerve damage was permanent, but I guess that just takes a really long time to heal. It's already been 5 and 1/2 months since the accident on February 15 (hard to believe!), and my lips are still numb. But there is some sensation there, where there hadn't been before.

Happy (and very lucky) me!!

Thank you for all of the support through my recovery. I know it helped!

--K--

follow-up with the ENT surgeon

Yesterday I went to Boston to follow-up with the ENT surgeon. It was a nice day to visit Boston and an easy trip to and from the T.

This surgeon has been amazing. I never had any bruising. Whereas I had read on the Web that people experienced pain when the packing was taken out, that didn't happen with me. So I wasn't nervous in the least about this appointment and was looking forward to having "crap in my nose" (this is the often-used medical terminology) removed so I could breathe more easily.

The surgeon pulled out some gunk (I'll spare you more detail). He also snipped a few of the stitches that he could reach. I thought they were supposed to dissolve, and maybe they are, but they're not really coming out very quickly. Mucus then gets caught on them and blocks my airways, which is the problem I was having treated in the first place. That being said, I can still breathe a lot better now than before the surgery, stitches notwithstanding.

Anyway, I could breathe a little better after he removed a few of the stitches. I imagine I'll feel better still when the swelling is reduced and the stitches that are farther back fall out (or dissolve or whatever happens to make them go away).

The surgeon said that things were looking good and that I should feel significant improvement in 6+ weeks. So far, everything he's told me has pretty much been on the mark, so I should feel much better on August 18, 2010.

--K--

Sad news unrelated to the accident

Today we had to say goodbye to Rocky. He was a rescue Shih Tzu that came into my life when he was about 7. I'd never had a dog before. He was a wonderful companion and friend. I think he spent the first part of his life in a crate and very alone, but he spent the second half surrounded by people and love and begging for (and often getting) treats.

Anyway, the poor little guy (now nearly 12) had had chronic heart disease but out of the blue developed severe liver problems. This Monday, he stopped eating and drinking. While I would have preferred to allow him to die at home, in familiar surroundings, the lack of fluid in particular was starting to become clearly uncomfortable if not painful.

So we brought him to our very compassionate vet and said goodbye to him this afternoon. I'm sure he is snagging treats from God as I type this.

--K--

We like, "Do nothing!"

Continuing from my previous post...

I had seen a new dentist, who had suggested braces, since my regular dentist was out of town and my teeth hurt quite a bit. The new dentist did help relieve some of the pain but had also suggested braces.

Not being too thrilled about the prospect of more procedures and braces, even with the option of finding bands to color coordinate with my outfits, I returned to my regular dentist to get another opinion. He noted that my teeth hurt because the roots were traumatized by the nasal surgery and suggested we do nothing for awhile.

Nothing?! I like "do nothing!" In fact, I love "do nothing!"

So...I'm going to do nothing. At the end of August, my regular dentist will check my teeth again (and refit me for a mouth guard to wear at night, since I'm a teeth grinder and my old guard bears no resemblance to where my teeth are currently situated). He's taking a very conservative approach and that seems very reasonable to me.

Otherwise, I'm making slow but positive strides. The scar tissue in my nose must be healing, because I can breathe a little more easily. My surgeon said that would take a month or two to resolve, and I have a follow-up appointment with him in mid-July. My bite is still very off but less so since the new dentist filed several teeth.

Things are looking up!

The one thing I hadn't mentioned in awhile is that I am now terrified to ride my bike on the road. I could work on this...but I'd rather not. Riding in my neighborhood is reasonably uninteresting, since there is only an isolated half-mile road; otherwise, I'd have to ride on streets that are too busy for my comfort level. But I can live with riding locally or driving my bike to a bike path.

I'll work on becoming an expert at archery instead. I'm already pretty good and that feels much safer!

--K--

Braces?! But I'm 51!!

I should have known that getting ready to sign off on my blog was a recipe for problems to develop. I could just feel the bad karma start to seep through my keyboard as I attempted to sign off last time.

I have no idea if my last post means no one will read this, though that's ok. I'll type it anyway, and maybe readers will come.

I saw one of the many dentists I hope to keep employed and happy through my recovery today. He did some slight adjustments to a few teeth. My teeth and mouth had started feeling a lot better, but then it seemed like everything had been jarred and upset again since the nasal surgery.

He then said that the next step was probably to see an orthodontist because my mouth really doesn't close properly on my left side. And the pain I'm experiencing is probably due to the fact that there's so much pressure from the teeth on the right side and everything needs to be shifted.

I suspect he's right. I also suspect that I'm not going to do anything about it for awhile. Yes, I should...but I am burned out and procedured-out. My nose is still blocked (ironically) from scar tissue acquired during the surgery. That will settle down in a month or so (I hope!!). I think I'm just going to leave everything alone for awhile and give my body and head a break from the nonstop doctor and dentist visits.

I hope, if I need them, that braces have improved a LOT since I was 13!!

--K--

The Almost End

I was noting this morning that today marks the 4-month anniversary since the accident February 17, 2010. And that I might not really have that much more to add. At least, that's my hope (and who can top my two TMI posts anyway??). I need for my nose to stop swelling and open up and stop being sore. And I need for my teeth to stop hurting and for my bite to be corrected. But I'm not sure those merit daily or weekly blog updates.

So, I'll probably wind this down now and only post on rare occasion. At least, that's my hope (meaning, I hope I don't end up with more to need to report).

Thank you for all of your support!!

--K--

TMI - The Nightmare Continues

So today I got the packing removed from my nose. If you thought my last post was gross, you'll love what's coming!

But I'll start on a less disgusting note. It felt wonderful when I got back from visiting the surgeon to take a shower and not worry about getting bandages wet and really washing my face and my hair!

It feels great too to be able to breathe again. Breathing isn't quite as easy as I'd hoped, not yet anyway. The tissues inside my nose are still healing and swollen and want to block off my airways again. There are stitches that need to dissolve and, in the process, swell and collect mucus. And my nose is still very raw to the touch.

All of this should improve over the next month or so, but the surgeon indicated that it would probably get worse before it gets better. I am using saline solution and ointment 7-15 times per day and will visit him again in a month.

Now...removing the packing. Feel free to stop reading here...

I didn't realize this but there have been two very long plastic "sticks" about the length and width of a Popsicle stick (and which I'm sure have a more elaborate label for the purposes of my insurance company) helping to hold my nostrils open. I thought there was just a bunch of gauze stuffed in my nose but not so.

Anyway, the first thing he did is use suction to remove all of the mucus that had collected inside the plastic sticks. Immediately on removing a plug from each nostril, I could bring in some air, so that was wonderful. When I looked at what he'd removed though...man!...that was seriously gross. I debated about holding onto them, thinking my teenage stepsons might have liked the science project, but decided I really didn't want the souvenir.

Then he went to remove the sticks. My surgeon is wonderful and it didn't hurt at all. I'd read other descriptions of this procedure and it sounded like it isn't uncommon for it to be painful but it certainly wasn't in my experience. That being said...I couldn't believe the length of the sticks!! It looked like they must have come from someone else's nose or have been embedded in my brains or something. They were long!

Anyway...not sure where to go from here and I think that's enough for this post...

--K--

TMI?

"TMI" = "Too Much Information." This is an acronym with which I have become immensely familiar, since I have two teenage stepsons, which means "things that are gross" are wonderful. Examples of where "TMI" is the appropriate response include:

Nick: "And at work at McDonald's today, this little girl threw up all over my shoes and I could see that she'd had french fries...."

Adam: "And when I was making the potatoes, I cut my finger but it was easy enough to hide the blood if I stirred them..."

Enough said.

Anyway, lots of disgusting things to share in the past 2 days post-nasal surgery. I didn't realize that I'd have such a violent reaction to the Percoset. Seven violent projectile vomiting trips to the bathroom later, I figured out that the medication might be the source. Last night was very very long. I decided I'd rather deal with a little pain than that much nausea.

I also either have a cold or bad allergies. Wouldn't it be ironic if I'm allergic to the gauze and tape on my nose to help provide support and cut down on the nonstop bleeding? Anyway, the packing in my nose is, as far as I can tell, made of cement. It's not budging.

So all of the mucus and blood is now trapped in the cement in my nose. I'm certain that, when the packing is removed Wednesday, I don't want to be in the same room as I am if I can possibly help it.

And, if that wasn't pretty enough...I can't breathe at all. So the only way for me to eat is with my mouth open, which is not as attractive as it might sound. And because my lips are still numb, occasionally I can't feel where the food is, so it falls out of my mouth.

TMI, Indeed!

And on a less TMI front...I'm sleeping 15 or so hours per day. Last night I slept for 14 hours and took several naps. I guess healing demands lots of sleep.

Hopefully I'll have more energy again soon. But for now...all of this typing made me very sleepy again. Time to lie down...

--K--

The post- nasal surgery report

Got home about 4 hours ago. I'm very glad to have this experience behind me; I'd really been dreading it. It might not have been that big a deal in isolation but in the context of everything else that happened during and after the accident, I was pretty unhappy.

That being said, it wasn't as terrible as I'd been expecting. Don't get me wrong...it wasn't wonderful either. But not as terrible as I'd been anticipating.

So...what happened? We (Jake and I) went to Boston overnight, since we didn't want to navigate I-93 at 4 AM. The hotel was literally across the street from the outpatient surgical center, and had to be a dorm conversion at best. The staff, however, was very nice and we got cookies on our arrival, so our most important bases were covered.

Met some friends for dinner in Chinatown whom I don't get to see nearly often enough. That was a nice distraction for what was to come.

We got up at 5:30 AM and stumbled over to the surgical center. I didn't expect that there would be 30 or so other surgical patients and their families also at the facility. It was a beehive of activity and people.

I got in line to check in and filled out with some paperwork. Then waited. Then had my blood pressure and pulse taken. Then waited. Then I got my gown, which was clearly designed to fit roughly 3 of me at about a foot taller. Then waited.

Finally we were escorted to the surgery center, where Jake said goodbye. I was greeted by a host of nice nurses and physicians, and recited my name and birthday and allergy list another 400 times. Then I was given an IV of something to make me sleepy and the next thing I knew, I was in recovery. Given that I was bleeding, nauseous, in a lot of pain, and had a face full of bandages, I assume something resembling surgery had transpired in the middle of my cognitive awareness events.

Since I got home, I've mostly been sleeping. Fortunately, the pain, which was pretty severe, and anti-nausea medications have kicked in and I'm starting to feel a little better. I'm still bleeding pretty heavily and feel very woozy. And my throat is sore from the breathing tube they inserted during surgery.

My nose has an internal splint and a lot of packing. There are some bandages externally, but they will come off in a day or so, once the bleeding stops. And, much to my amazement, there is little to no bruising. I have a follow-up appointment with the surgeon in about a week to, among other things, remove the packing, and I hope I feel a lot better after that.

Anyway, for now, I need another nap...

--K--

5...4...3...2...

Well, at this time tomorrow, I'll be either still in pre-op tests (bloodwork, etc.) or in the middle of nasal surgery. The fun starts at 6 AM. At this point, I'm very ready for it to be over with. I'll go home with a lot of gauze and cotton in my nose and a splint and bandages outside.

I'm really looking forward to a week or so later when the packing is removed, and I can (ideally) breathe better again. And for the splint to be taken off because, at minimum, that is going to make for some weird tan lines.

My teeth still hurt, though less than before the dentist worked on them. And my bite is still very off. I have a nightguard I was using (ok...supposed to be using...) before the accident and it doesn't fit at all now. My bite adjustment still has some corrections to go. But, that being said, the latter two are in more of the "annoying" category and not the "chronic pain" category in which they had been living for awhile.

Here's to being on the home stretch!

--K--

Countdown to nasal surgery

Blech. I'd rather the title be something like, "Countdown to winning the lottery" or "Countdown to an island vacation." My breathing is even worse now. I don't know if it's allergies or something else but what little air I could get past my blocked nasal passages is history. The good news, oddly, is that if I was even a little uncertain about my need for this surgery, I am now certain.

I got a call today from the doctor's office, stating that I needed to get an EKG, chest x-ray, and bloodwork before Thursday. I called and told the asistant that it was going to be difficult for me to fit the tests in. Fortunately, she said it wasn't a problem for me to have them taken at the hospital. The doctor and his assistants have all been very nice and helpful, and I have a lot of confidence in them.

That being said, "Countdown to the island vacation" is still sounding a lot better to me.

--K--

More fun

So, imagine my "shock and awe" (with thanks to my friend Adam for coming up with the clever name "Shock and Jaw" for his online blog about a broken jaw that resulted from a bike accident) when I opened a recent letter from my insurance company letting me know they were denying coverage for the charges from my hospital bill. Trust me, this is a big $$ number. I started calling on Friday and was directed to branches of the insurer in three states, each of whom had a slightly different tale to tell.

At the moment, however, it sounds like the problem may not be the insurance company. The hospital already billed the insurer and they already paid that bill a month or two ago. This seems to be a new set of large bills.

Since we're now in a holiday weekend, not much I can do at the moment. I'm sure the fun will continue for awhile. Stay tuned.

In the meantime, I went to see a dentist about my sore teeth and misaligned bite. I was looking forward to addressing this because it had developed into a chronic achiness that was reasonably unpleasant. The dentist had some emergency that day, however, and needed to reschedule. I went to another dentist instead.

Ahhhh! Some relief! He drilled some of the teeth, rechecking my bite as he worked. My teeth feel much better. Still sore but much less so. My bite is still misaligned, but he wanted to take a conservative approach, so I'll see him again in a few weeks or so.

Nasal surgery in 13 days!

--K--

And back by popular demand...

I fell down on the blogging job. Several friends and family members asked what was up, which prodded me to log on and write tonight.

The main reason for my lack of updates is...well...lack of updates. How many times can I say, "I really wish I could breathe through my nose?"; "My teeth and lips hurt."; etc.?

That being said...I do wish my teeth and lips would stop hurting. My teeth being sore may be a function of still needing to have my dentist try to fix the bite issues. I had an appointment for this last week, but I was in the middle of so many deadlines at work that it seemed more stressful not to reschedule. I didn't know it would start to get under my skin as much as it has. The dentist appointment is now next week, and I won't change it.

My lips...I guess lips just have a lot of nerve endings and take a really long time to heal completely. I'll ask the ENT surgeon when I have the nasal surgery. Which is scheduled for June 10.

As much as I want to be able to breathe through my nose again easily, I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY don't want to go through the surgery. Not up for more pain and feeling uncomfortable.

The nasal surgery is hardly a big deal, certainly in contrast to resetting my nose and jaw and the 8 weeks of recovery that involved. From what I understand, I'll be encased in bandages and packing for a week. After they're removed, I should be a lot more comfortable but still need another week of heavy recovery time. Still, I would be happy to skip it altogether.

So, with all that, how am I doing? Great, in fact. My energy level is really good. I'm working full-time (and then some) and regularly enjoying activities with family and friends. The weather has been beautiful, and I'm taking advantage of it by going for walks...and I don't have to worry about cold fingers and toes and jaw wires.

Oy...the wires. I DO NOT MISS THE WIRES!!! Pancakes are much better not in a syringe. :-)

--K--

More updates

Today I went to see a dentist about my front teeth, which still are a little loose and still hurt when I bite something. He said that he thought there had probably been some mild shifting. I'll return in a few weeks and have some teeth shaved down. Hopefully that will solve the problem. He also seemed to think braces and even a retainer won't be necessary. Hopefully he's correct.

Inspired by how well things were going, I tried eating a carrot last week. To say that didn't turn out to be a good plan would be a mammoth understatement. Trying to use my front teeth to bite into it was about as effective as trying to use my nose to bite into it. They weren't strong enough or anchored enough and it hurt.

I then tried just using my molars, a very attractive method (try eating a carrot by putting into the side of your mouth to bite into it). My right side, where the accident had occurred, couldn't chew it at all. My left could, leaving me with jaw spasms severe enough to require Vicodin.

If eating a vegetable leaves you needing heavy pain medications after doing so, it's a good sign that eating the vegetable was a bad idea.

Fortunately, my birthday was the next day and all that required was that I get through a piece of cake. Much safer. Still, I opted for a soft foods diet that day, after the previous day's trauma. Chocolate pudding went down just fine though.

--K--

Happy 51st Birthday!

First, let me explain...I LOVE birthdays. My own. Other people's. Doesn't matter. I think an occasion that demands cake and ice cream should be a national holiday.

I have a LOT to celebrate this year. I could have been hurt much much worse. I could be writing this from a wheelchair. Or not writing this. Or writing it with plates in my face. And none of those things are true. So even though I'm not yet fully recovered, I am in great shape compared to where I was even two weeks ago.

I also celebrate how much support and encouragement I've received. I don't know how much psychological factors and karma influence the healing process, but I'm certain that they do. I keep hearing how upbeat I've been and, truth be told, I don't think I could have maintained that without the constant stream of well wishes I've received over this now 2.5 month period. I'm really really lucky.

Last, but not least, I celebrate my wonderful loving family. Jake has been a partner in every sense of the word. My stepsons regularly kept me in heavy supplies of hugs and laughter. My brother Alan was always with me and I still wear the bracelet he gave me when I was in the hospital.

As for my parents...my resiliency was passed down from four remarkable individuals. I received some of the most terrific messages from my stepmother Lee. I know my mom and Harry (stepfather) were behind me every step of the way, even though they're not physically present anymore.

As for my dad...well, the sense of humor in me is clearly genetic. I think he enjoyed reading this blog from wherever he is now even as much as I enjoyed writing it.

--K--

All the news that's fit to print

Hi there, friends of segwaysarebad! Progress marches on.

I even went to a restaurant (Panera) this weekend. That was probably a week or so premature. Yes, I can eat soup but going out for soup wasn't what I had in mind. I ordered a salad and bread but discovered that I had to put the food into my mouth and kind of let it "melt" a little first before trying to chew it. Which didn't quite lend itself to the experience I was hoping for.

My front teeth still hurt, which surprised the surgeon. I'll have a consultation with her later this week. My bite is off too. Once the issue with my teeth is cleared up, I'll see my dentist. I am really hoping I don't need braces! That was bad enough when I was 13. My birthday is this Friday, and I don't think it's going to be more fun at 51, thank you very much.

My lips are still very swollen and sore and numb. At work, from time to time, I find a lisp slips out because I can't really feel where my lips are. Hardly a big deal, but it feels odd when it happens.

At this point, I'm ready to have the nasal surgery behind me. Still, I know it's better for my mouth to be stable before launching into this next round of adventures.

All this notwithstanding, I feel like I'm on the home stretch, even if it's a long stretch...

--K..

Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to work we go...

Today was my first day back at work (well, tomorrow officially is). I am really off my game. I couldn't remember a lot of what I do on autopilot, especially too early in the morning. Getting out the door required a lot of extra thought.

I couldn't quite get the makeup routine down, which was also hampered by figuring out how to maneuver around parts of my face that still hurt or are still numb. And putting it on made me again realize how swollen my jaw and lips still are.

And I missed the exit off of the highway a couple of times. I wasn't tired; I just wasn't used to having to concentrate so hard on what hadn't needed concentration before.

That aside, it was nice to be back; I work with a good crowd. It was an interesting day interacting with folks and catching up. I also spent part of the day finding "treasures" around my office. All kinds of goodies, like an extra pair of shoes for when I had to wear boots in and other such odds and ends that I brought home.

And food! I am definitely feeling the effects of not having eaten much for the past two months. My appetite came back in spades today. I had to pace myself and I still ate a lot more than I had been. It feels good now not to be hungry and better still to make it past a Rye Krisp cracker!!

--K--

The food festival marches on

I haven't posted for a little while. Mostly because, I'm happy to say, there's less and less to report about recovery from the accident. Which in and of itself is huge. But there was also a little interference from a visit from Jake's parents, which was very welcome, and a major computer crash, which was not.

I was told by the surgeon that my front teeth would stop hurting so much, and this is true. I was also told I needed to stay with a soft foods diet for a week or so; also true.

But progress on the eating front is happening rapidly. Vegetables don't have to be quite as overcooked. And yesterday, I made it through melon and strawberries. I treated myself to fruit from Whole Foods, because I figured if I was going to eat fruit again for the first time in months, it was going to be really good fruit. No more Spaghettio's types of experiments. I still have to gingerly eat small pieces and chew a lot...but it's not yogurt in a syringe!

My lips and lower jaw are still notably swollen and probably will be for the foreseeable future. I'm told that just makes me a trend setter, like Angela Jolie. Which is ironic, because people keep coming up to me, mistaking me for her. :-) Perhaps I'll keep this look!

--K--

Continuing on...

I'm continuing to make progress and really excited about it! Tonight, I tried eating a mushroom. That didn't go too well. But I am eating overcooked vegetables. And I tried a can of Nick's Spaghettio's with meatballs, out of curiosity. My stomach was not happy at all (hard to believe that's considered food!), but the noodles and "meatballs" (which is a huge misnomer!!) had been soaking for so long, I was able to swallow it just fine. Progress in leaps and bounds!

My surgeon said that the issue with my front teeth is common after the wires are removed. I can't believe I didn't knock out any teeth when I fractured most of the bones in my face. Anyway, the front teeth are beginning to feel a little more normal again.

My lips are still pretty swollen. I had been attributing that to the wires but now I realize it's also (or mostly) from having injured them and needing stitches when I fell. That seems to be taking a long time to heal, since it's been nearly 2 months.

Since I'm eating more, my craving for burgers has diminished significantly. I'm still pretty happily eating chocolate pudding daily. I think that may be a staple that I continue with for awhile, even when I can chew peanuts again!

[The Next Day...] My jaw is not happy at all. I think I overdid it yesterday. I think I'll go back to that "go slowly" thing.

--K--

Good news!

I got the wires out today! I hadn't expected that when I went to see the surgeon; I thought it would just be a usual follow-up appointment.

The process itself was a little daunting. He gave me between 10-15 shots of Novocain. I wasn't doing too well by about #6. Then he said I'd feel a little pressure and then experience something like flossing (since the wires are pulled between each tooth). If you've ever flossed with razor wire, you can probably relate.

Now I have to work my way up to regular food. I tried a canned carrot, which sent spasms through my jaw, as does too much talking. So I'm still on purees, soups, and being a lot less loquacious than usual.

Also, something is wrong with my front teeth. They feel loose, for lack of a better word, and the gums are enormously sensitive. I'll have to see a regular dentist soon and have that checked out. I thought it would go away when the wires came out but no such luck and it's been true since the accident.

I also still have nasal surgery coming in June. The surgeon suggested I wait to see how well my breathing improved with the wires removed. And it has; no doubt, but I still can barely breathe through my nose. I can't say I'm too happy about more surgery but hopefully that will be the end of the surgeries.

Still, this is huge progress. And almost no syringes (unless my jaw flares up, then all bets are off).

And even more progress!

Well, now it seems like the progress is increasing exponentially by the day. I am currently able to eat 75% of what I'd been eating with a syringe with a baby spoon. Today I went as far as a fork and ate cottage cheese, without putting it into a blender. I can't really say I'm chewing yet; more like swirling the item long enough in my mouth so that I can swallow it. I also brushed the inside of my mouth with a baby toothbrush; this is another first.

I tried eating a small piece of fish, just to see what would happen. What happened (I know you're on the edge of your chair in suspense) is that I chewed and chewed and chewed and eventually gave up. I'm not really chewing as much as both my upper and lower molars were touching the fish, with the rubber bands getting in the way and no real chewing taking place.

I have to eat tiny bites and not talk too much and be really careful when I open because my jaw still easily objects and goes into spasm. Still, this is huge progress.

I feel like a toddler who is learning to walk and finds that it's easier to resort to crawling. I'm a much faster eater with a syringe than with utensils.

And for another fascinating fact...I'm a left-handed syringer, but right-handed for most other tasks. So I have some degree of ambidexterity (that's a very big word, you know). I wonder what other things I can do left-handed? I'm not eager for another situation like this accident to present itself for me to find out.

Anyway, I am more and more optimistic that I will be eating with some degree of normalcy soon. Still wired for at least another week (not sure about the rubber bands) and now have nasal surgery in June. But still, I'm enjoying every last one of these baby steps!

--K--

Progess

I think I'm getting a little more used to the rubber bands. I can now take pills, which feels like a huge improvement over using liquid medications with a syringe. Most of the liquids taste terrible too. How I take them is a little comical. I have to watch myself in a mirror to make sure I've opened my mouth wide enough to get the pill in. It feels like my mouth is wide open, and there's barely a gap. Then I have to figure out where it's open enough and put the pill in.

I have to be careful because my jaw, particularly the left side, goes into spasm very easily, and now that I can open a little, I want to talk and talk and talk.... I tried that the first day of the rubber bands and felt pretty terrible within about an hour. But my jaw is loosening a little bit each day.

Yesterday I was feeling bold and decided to try to eat a piece of chocolate. You could see this coming, right? :-) Anyway, a Hersheys is HUGE compared to what my mouth can handle. I had to suck on the candy rather than chew it and couldn't really open my mouth again after getting it in because it hurt. So I was kind of choking on it. All in all, I'd say it was not one of my better moves. I think I will wait another month before pulling that stunt again.

Still, this is improvement. Plus, I have a lot more energy. Right after I got out of the hospital, I'd walk 2 blocks and then nap for 2 hours. I was sleeping 13-16 hours per day. Now I can stay awake all day and have a decent amount of energy through the day. My breathing is still bad, unfortunately. I'll have to have surgery in a month.

But anyway, I am working towards another piece of chocolate. So I have a goal.

--K--

Three steps forward, two steps back

I walked into the maxillo facial surgeon's office on Monday and was told that the wires clamping my jaw together would be replaced by rubber bands. What this means is that the wires around each tooth remained intact but the "up and down" wires holding my upper and lower jaws together were removed. The "individual tooth wires" and the rubber bands will then be on for another two weeks. I was also told now I could easily talk, switch to soft foods, and breathe again.

Based on this, which of the following is/are NOT true:

a) My gums would be less cut up by the wires.
b) I could switch from a mostly liquids to a soft foods diet.
c) I could talk more easily.
d) I could throw away the syringes.

If you identified b), c), and d) as the false statements, you would be correct and win a gold star!

I made the mistake, however, of taking the surgeon at his word and got very excited talking to Jake during the trip home about getting rid of the syringes and eating overcooked eggs for lunch. I then got home, tried to take a bite a yogurt with a spoon, screamed in agony, realized that my jaw was also very unhappy with all of the talking, and decided that the surgeon needed to actually go through this experience so that he'd know what he was talking about.

Sigh.

Still, things on the medical front are better. It's easier to use the syringe than when the foods had to made it past all of the wires. I can breathe a little bit better, even if not as well as expected. I'm talking to an ENT surgeon at Tufts about scheduling nasal surgery for May or June. I have fewer wires chopping up my lips (which have pretty major callouses on them).

I think I'm more frustrated now though by the slow progress because my expectations were so high. Truth be told, I am feeling a little sorry for myself.

--K--

The relaxing pedicure that wasn't...

So, I thought I'd take a break in the middle of my currently favorite dinner...pureed carrots, pureed V8 buttermilk soup, and pudding, to write about the relaxing pedicure I tried to get today. While I did get a pedicure, I'm not sure I would characterized it as a "relaxing pedicure."

This visit to a salon came courtesy of my very nice friends from work. Before I continue, let me add the caveat that my friends had nothing to do with what transpired next.

I walked into this salon, which was new to me, and the very cheerful and energetic 27-year-old technician started with small talk. About 10 minutes into this, I explained that it's difficult for me to talk (today was particularly tough because it's cold, so my breathing was really bad). "Oh...ok."

She worked in silence for about 45 seconds. Followed by, "So how old are your kids? What are you going to do this summer? Do you have any weekend plans? Can you recite the Pledge of Alligence? Now can you recite it backwards? If you were a cookie, what kind would you be and why?..."

AAAARRRGGGHHHH!

This was followed by shouting across the salon of her weekend plans, ending with, "I hope I'm not hung over tomorrow. I hate when I come to work hung over."

The next time I want to be pampered, I'm going to get my oil changed.

--K--

Same ol' same ol' (kind of)

I've been asked from time to time about lapses in blogging. My less frequent appearances are because a lot of healing involves...waiting. And waiting. And waiting. I don't need to visit doctors daily. I just need to wait. But that's what healing is. There's actually a lot going on, but not that lends itself to blogging.

For those of you who know me well, this is not exactly my forte. "Can the wires come off NOW? How about NOW? NOW? NOW? NOW?..."

Otherwise, the days slowly move along, and I wait for the days the wires come off; and then for the days I can move my jaw again; and then for the days I can chew. I wonder if my jaw is always going to look a little distorted as it does right now. I think about when to schedule the nasal surgery. Probably sometime this summer, since the bones need to be healed enough not to create new problems by having more surgery. I wonder what other surgeries will be needed. I was told to expect more and that what they are will become more obvious over time but I don't know yet.

I try to be in the here and now and sometimes I'm better at it than others. Gratitude keeps me in the moment. I think about hoping that someone in the hospital would answer the call button and bring me a Popsicle after several days of vomiting. And then I think about being able to go for a walk and how much better this is than the hospital experience. And I'm grateful for that. When I'm syringing, I remember this could have easily been so much worse. We Friends are a tough family. And I'm grateful for that.

There is a lot to be grateful for. Even when I don't feel like being grateful, there really is a lot to be grateful for.

Anyway, less to blog about daily...but a lot going on...

--K--

More Misc Musings...

I should offer a prize for good titles.

I'm glad I've continued to work out. I am not nearly as strong as I used to be (understatement of the month). And my breathing is so poor, I can't do much cardio either. That said, it helps me mentally in so many ways. It wouldn't if I compared myself to pre-accident but instead, I've been comparing myself to the previous week or the time I was in the hospital. And then I'm so glad to be even able to move and proud for pushing myself (without overdoing it), that I feel better because of that as well.

This accident robbed me of the ability to control a lot of my activities and my life. Exercising feels like a tiny way to take some of that control back.

Good and bad days…like the rest of us, I have them. For me, the good days make me think I’m going to have a linear projection of good days…where I can breathe relatively better and feel energized and stay awake all day. I haven’t been surprised when a good day is followed by a day where I can’t get much air in and I’m constantly exhausted. But I am disappointed I don’t seem to have a linear trajectory of good days in a row yet.

Btw, I like the word, “trajectory.”

When I’m better again, I hope I remember it’s the little things, as much as the big things, that make our lives richer. I found V8 makes this wonderful butternut squash soup. In the blender on “puree” for about 30 seconds and voila!

And no, I don’t get a commission for sales on V8 soups…or on Muscle Milk. Much as I should…

--K--

4 weeks and counting...

Tomorrow marks the 4th week that the wires have been on. Usually, I feel like time passes remarkably quickly but not now. I am acutely aware of EVERY SINGLE DAY.

So, I just had lunch; a mix of canned carrots and spaghetti sauce thrown in a blender. Does that sound good or what? My mouth is now an orange mess, so I'll do my daily or every other day uber cleaning ritual.

And what might that be? First, we start with a baby toothbrush and a Waterpik. The Waterpik has been a lifesaver. It's the only thing that gets the gunk out from between the wires. Then I take off the pieces of wax covering the sharpest points, on the gums above and below my top and bottom teeth. The wax has been accumulating food all day, so it's usually not a pretty sight. Then I do a really thorough cleaning, which feels great. Then I put in new pieces of wax, which is kind of awkward because my lips are swollen and somewhat cut up and in the way.

For those of you having trouble picturing it, I cannot open my mouth AT ALL. My upper teeth are essentially tied to my lower teeth, with no possibility of movement. While I can't wait to brush and floss my teeth post-wires, I imagine it'll be seriously disgusting in there after 6 weeks!

Was that too much information? Are you sorry you read my blog today? :)

--K--

Updates; Food

First, updates:

The MRI showed the process fracture at C5 and related swelling. The neurosurgeon said that is why I am having back pain; it's referred pain. He said this should improve as the fracture heals. I'm going to take a conservative approach and try physical therapy and muscle relaxants if needbe. I'm going to look for better office furniture as well, since the main time this hurts is when I sit at a desk, and I will be doing a lot of that when I return to work.

Food:

There has been a lot of interest in what I'm eating. It's a strange diet, since I'm used to being able to eat...well...food. I'll just take yesterday as an example.

3-4 containers of Muscle Milk
2-3 yogurts
Baby food oatmeal (ground up enough to make it into a syringe)
2 cans of tomato soup
2 canned of pureed carrots
1 box of chocolate pudding

Oddly, I'm not tired of what I'm "eating." But I'm really missing what I'm not having. The part I'm finding the most frustrating is having to drink/liquefy everything and using the syringe.

Using a syringe allows me to eat more "solid" foods, like yogurt and pudding. I could just go with an all-liquid diet, but it really livens things up to be able pretend to eat something. However, in addition to just not being all that appealing, it often irritates my already cut-up-from-the-wires lips. And inevitably, at least 25% or more ends up on my clothes, the table, the floor...

I also recently found out that it'll be a month or more after the wires are removed before I'm eating anything resembling a normal diet. In fact, it will even be awhile before I can eat soft foods. I guess your jaws become very stiff from lack of use and don't open very well.

At least I'll be able to breathe better. And if I could throw away my syringe collection, I'd be a happy camper. But...that said...I was so psyched for a burger (an item for which I never have cravings) and carrots and apples.

--K--

My experience as a patient

I'm writing today's column inspired by being angry at my latest physician visit.

This morning, I had an MRI. I knew that I would be in a small tube and that claustrophobia could be a concern.

What I didn't know was that I would have to listen to extremely loud noise for 30 minutes. The technician asked if I had any questions before starting the procedure. I thought I knew what was going to happen. Asking, "Will it sound like I will be listening to jackhammers the entire time?" didn't occur to me. Go figure.

It would have taken an extra 45 seconds to explain what was going to happen. I did a lot of deep breathing and visualization and got through it, but it was unnecessarily stressful because I wasn't given even basic information.

I am a researcher. I have been conducting research for most of 30 years. I have a lot of respect for the research on which Western Medicine is built. I understand how a good investigation is conducted. And I get frustrated when people just dismiss Western approaches because they don't understand research, and embrace Eastern because what sometimes sounds like "magic" is easier to comprehend.

Up until this accident, I have probably given lip service to seeing the need for a balance between Eastern and Western Medicine. But I didn't really "get" it. I do now. Western Medicine, as it is PRACTICED, can be very alienating. I don't mean my experience with individual practitioners; there are some whose intelligence and compassion have been exemplary. But the field as a whole has a lot to learn from its counterparts.

I think if Eastern Medicine were practiced with the often same lack of regard for the individual, interest in it would decline exponentially. There has to be a better way to do this.

--K--

More doctor visits

Yesterday I had a consultation with an ENT surgeon at the New England Medical Center (Tufts) about my breathing difficulties. He told me that the nasal damage is significant (you'd never be able to tell just looking at me). The surgery has to be scheduled at least 3-6 months post-accident so that the fractures are healed and stabilized.

Although the original plan was to remove the jaw wires and have the nasal surgery at the same time, now it sounds like they will be two separate events. He did indicate that he thought my breathing would improve a lot once the wires were removed. I have to confess that emotionally, I'm kind of glad for a break between activities. My head was not ready for more surgery yet, though if that had been the best course medically, I would have done it.

Tomorrow is a spinal MRI, followed by a visit with a neurosurgeon later in the week. My back is still extremely sore, even painful at times. I am hoping that this problem either has an easy solution, or requires no intervention and will quickly heal on its own. Sigh...

It's not raining and is a little warmer, which is better on my breathing, so I'm going to officially declare today an ok day (so far, anyway). One day at a time...

--K--

Blech...

That kind of sums up how I've been feeling this weekend. I've been exhausted and sleeping more than usual. Not from depression; I'm just very fatigued.

Part of that is because my breathing is poor. I can't get enough air into my lungs on and off throughout the day. It's always worse in the morning. My ENT said it's due to structural nasal damage. I have a consultation with a surgeon in Boston tomorrow. He will hopefully remove the wires and do the surgery in a few weeks. I am counting the hours!

Also, my lips are very cut up and swollen. I keep applying wax to the wires, but it's hard to find all of the spots that irritate.

So that's my tale of woe at the moment. I'm trying to do good things for myself. I go to the gym daily. I don't do much there but even a few sit-ups and leg exercises helps me feel some sense of reclaiming control of my body. When I can, I get on a cardio machine and work at a pace that, pre-accident, I could have slept through; I'm barely moving. But it doesn't matter; it still improves my mood. I've been unexpectedly patient with having to slow down so much.

Also, I'm grateful in spades. For the fact that my tale of woe could have been so much worse. For having a wonderful family and friends and colleagues. And, of course, for Muscle Milk and chocolate pudding.

--K--

Misc musings...

Little things can make such a big difference lately. Today, I was given a few empty syringes from our local CVS that are much easier to use than those I'd previously been using, which meant the pulverized green beans and cream of broccoli soup went down more easily. And I was able to place some wax over the most irritating of the wires, so my lips were less of a mess at the end of lunch.

Watching Rocky trying to beg for whatever delicacy I'm attempting to eat via syringe is pretty entertaining.

I'm discovering that there are almost no over-the-counter adult versions of any medication or vitamin. So I'm taking the kiddie version. Today was a blue gel bubble gum flavored version of Advil. Disgusting? You betcha! And I have the added bonus that my teeth are now covered in blue goo.

Visited my office yesterday. I work with such talented and nice people! It was great to see everyone. Plus, it was a special day for me. I blew my hair dry and got out of my sweats. AND stayed awake all day (a rare event...I think all of the pain and medications and not eating enough make me very sleepy).

Today I saw a neurosurgeon for the vertebral fracture. He's encouraged but cautious and wants to schedule an MRI. I have become a full-time doctor and lab test visitor.

Dealing with the insurance company, which is offering to pay almost nothing, is enraging. Thank goodness I have the help from wonderful HR folks in our head office. I don't know the right answer to our insurance system, but I can write in spades right now about what's wrong.

--K--

The view from Monsterland

For those of you who don't know, when I first met my now stepsons, I referred to them as, "the monsters," which they got a huge kick out of. "I'm her favorite monster!" "No, I'm her favorite monster!"

Anyway, it has been enormously refreshing to see my current situation from their perspective. They really don't seem phased by what has felt like complete turbulence to me.

When I first saw them after returning from FL, and was trying to talk (I'm difficult to understand), they didn't miss a beat. I asked how that was possible. Adam explained, "We always mumble with our mouths full of food, so we're used to this." When they come over and I walk in the room, they're glad to see me but won't look up for more than 15 seconds if a video game is more engrossing. When I'm at the dining table, syringe in hand, they don't act like there is anything remotely unusual about eating in this manner.

The normalcy that they provide is really a nice change from how disorienting this feels to me.

It's good to have the Monsters around.

--K--

Finally a little bit of good news

I saw a local maxillo facial surgeon today, one of the numerous physicians I am visiting of late. She told me that I would need the wires for 6 weeks (i.e., an additional 4 weeks). Since I had previously been hearing 8 weeks, the possibility of two fewer weeks made me downright gleeful.

I offered to pay her a trillion zillion dollars to remove them today. No such luck.

I am amazed how healthy you need to be to be sick. Everyday brings a new series of physician visits, phone calls, and paperwork. Dealing with the bureaucracy alone is staggering. My wonderful surgeon in FL has been promising to fax my records and disability forms daily. I have yet to receive anything. I feel great empathy for folks without the love and support I receive from family and friends and without good insurance.

Between this, and 2 hours to eat yogurt, and not being able to breathe...no wonder I'm exhausted by about 8 PM every evening.

--K--

Can't think of a subject line today...

Thank goodness at least we're having nice weather. It's much harder for me to breathe outside when it's cold out. The warmer temperatures have been lovely.

Yesterday, I made the mistake of going out to lunch with Jake and the boys. I say "mistake" because I didn't realize how difficult it was going to be to sit in a restaurant, watching folks eat real food, especially when I was hungry. The meal only lasted an hour but it felt like weeks; I couldn't wait to get out of there! Lesson learned.

I'm pretty ready to rip out these wires and not drink my meals. I keep hoping I'm going to see one of my current 10 or so doctors and she's going to tell me that I'm the exception and the wires can come out in 4 weeks, instead of the anticipated 6-8.

I think that's unlikely but hey!...a girl can dream, can't she?

--K--

Some FAQs...

Here are some answers to FAQs from the peanut gallery.

Q: How does your face look?

A: Remarkably good. Based on my x-rays, I was told I should look somewhat deformed...and I don't. My jaw and lips are still swollen, and my lips have some prominent scars on them. But the facial swelling and black and blue coloring have diminished significantly.

Q: Can you describe the jaw wires?

A: Picture braces that a teenager might wear...except instead of covering my teeth, they are embedded in the gums. Then clinch your teeth as tightly as you can and then use wire to loop each upper band to each lower band.

Q: How do you breathe?

A: With difficulty. The only spaces to breathe are any gaps between my teeth, of which I have very few, and my nose, which is partially blocked.

Q: I'll bet you're drinking a lot of milkshakes.

A: Actually no. I can't use a straw, so I am limited to items that can be sipped from a glass or squirted into my mouth with a syringe. So most of what I drink is lukewarm to avoid tooth sensitivity.

Q: What are you eating?

A: Any liquids. The most solid item I can consume is yogurt and it can't have fruit in it. Yesterday's breakfast was 2 yogurts and a jar of spaghetti sauce I'd put into a blender. It's an odd diet. I've read online of folks who will put anything into a blender...roast beef sandwiches; you name it. That doesn't really appeal to me. I'm also consuming high protein drinks.

Q: I'll bet you're losing weight!

A: Yes, about 10 pounds. I didn't need to lose weight, and I'm not thrilled with feeling so weak. That said, from what I've read, everyone with wired jaws loses weight. The amount you have to drink or time spent syringing food gets tiring. I also understand that everyone gains weight again once the wires come off, so I'm not concerned about it. I'm just trying to make sure I'm maintaining some healthy balance, taking liquid vitamins, etc.

Q: Do you want to rip the wires out?

A: YES!!

Q: How long will you have to wear them?

A: An estimated 6-8 weeks total. This Monday marks the end of Week Two.

Q: What are some of the better suggestions you've received in how to cope with your accident?

A: There are many. Some that stand out include: a) take your pain medications and don't tough it out; b) veggies and fruits with liquids in a blender will taste 100 times better than commercial baby food; c) get used to people staring and go about your life as much as you can; d) listen to your body. When it's telling you to slow down and rest, you should slow down and rest; and finally e) take people up on their offers to help you.

--K--

Today's update

The realities that there will be more challenges ahead hit in a big way today. I saw an ENT, who told me that my breathing difficulties were from bone spurs and a collapsed value blocking my right nostril and partially blocking the left. I will need additional surgeries when the jaw wires are removed to correct these issues.

I'm not surprised; I was told that I might need more surgeries once the previous ones had begun to heal. And having so much difficulty breathing on and off is still uncomfortable and, at times, scary...I have to slow myself down and talk myself out of panicking.

Nonetheless, I had a small meltdown after we left the doctor's office. I'm unhappy about having more surgery and more anesthesia and more nausea and more pain. I realize I'm whining, but that's where I am today. I want my body and my life back again.

Jake continues to be an amazing support. And I never take for granted that I'm really really lucky to have all of my wonderful family members and friends. My mother- and father-in-law sent me flowers that arrived right after I returned from the doctor's office. God is very busy letting me know I'm well-cared for.

--K--

Thank you...

This list won't be inclusive but I'll do my best. So many wonderful wonderful friends, family members, and strangers have moved me deeply. "Thank you" barely scratches the surface of the depth of my appreciation.

My husband Jake, whose love and patience make me very happy that we are life partners.

The Monsters, who remind me that hugs and stuffies are important in healing.

My brother Alan, whose sense of humor and pragmatic advice remind me so much of our father and mother. I am so glad I have my brother in my life!!

My father, whose sense of humor and resiliency, clearly inherited from his parents, were passed along to me.

My mother, who loved life, collected amazing friends, and taught me the joy of marshmallow sweet potatoes.

My stepdad Harry, who called them like he saw them. I know he's cheering me on.

Lee, for her calls and support and for nice reminders of my father.

My cousin Lance and his partner Cary. For recipes that I can eat with my jaw wired shut using only an EZ Bake Oven.

Our friend and fairy godmother Pam, whose love of our family and our doggie makes our lives so much richer.

My other brothers and sister, for their precious notes of support. :-)

Rocky, Daisy, Brandi Lee, Ladybird, Carly, Maggie, Linc, Muffin, Max, Kobe, and Coach, who remind me that all pills go down better with a treat.

Yasmin and Steve, for Rocky Jr. and Tyger Jr. and her new book. And for a longtime friendship.

Jake's family, who always makes me feel like one of the gang.

My Uncle Veeck, his partner Rosie, and Pudge, whose love of chickens still makes me laugh.

My cousins Steve, Debbie, Laura, Todd, John, Mindy, Mike Melanie, and Jeff, for their support and the Friend family spirit. And a reminder that a horse is a horse, of course of course...

My mentors and friends at work. I am blessed to work with such an amazingly intelligent, talented, and caring group of individuals.

Our neighbors, who always seem to find ways to do nice things for us before we've even asked and who really define what "neighbors" is about.

My Pinemere friends (Go Greens!) who, after a 30-year absence, rekindled the gift of sisterhood.

Doug in CA, who even bought his own syringe to join the fun.

Cheryl who has been so good about keeping in touch long after the demise of Crown Books.

My friends who have multiple sclerosis and who work for the MS Society. They are truly grace under fire and their energy to fight this disease encourages me to fight my small battle here.

And the same for my friends who fight breast cancer and other challenges. They inspire me.

Trish, Kaki, Rachel, Peanut, and Vivian. For love and laughter and Whole Foods.

MiniBird, who understands the importance of a blanket and a good snack.

Diane, whose coffee cake in a blender is rumored to be out of this world.

My Aunt Barbara and Freedman cousins, for their well-wishes and for being wonderful aunt and cousins.

Bill, who suggested that the inability to breathe is a real problem needing an aggressive response. And for 30 years of mentoring and friendship.

My dear friend David, for love, support, and Tiliapia Smoothies.

My Yale buddies, for their wisdom and love over the years. Go Bulldogs!

Holly, Selene, Kim, Christy, and Cris. For friendship, support, and baby food recipes.

Adrianna, for cowboy boots and loaf.

David and Susan, who helped inspire this blog.

Robin, who understands that you can be a lot more productive if you're wearing fuzzy slippers.

Beth, whose tales from the gym gave me a good laugh.

Other family members and friends and strangers, too numerous to mention, who cheered me on and whose love and support remind me of what a special place this world is.

To all of you...THANK YOU!!!....

--K--

And we're back...

So, I'm still here, cup of decafe in hand, bleeding on the cup, snoring because my airways are still blocked (this just gets better and better by the second, doesn't it?), and thought it would be a good time for an update.

We came home very late last night and I am sooooo happy to be back (snow and all!). The most difficult part was trying to travel without carrying too much for the vertebral fracture. I've come to the conclusion that traveling is a lot easier if you're healthy. I was also concerned about having ear/sinus problems with the changes in cabin pressure on takeoff and landing, but that wasn't too bad.

The refrigerator had a surprise restocking with tons of juices and home cooked meals by our wonderful neighbors. I was so moved by their generosity and thoughtfulness. Events like this really reinforce my belief that there is a LOT of good in the world.

Visitors are welcome. I will be spending a fair amount of time at doctors' offices and just engaging in activities of daily living. When eating a yogurt takes 45 minutes, your day fills up pretty quickly! But if you'll be visiting, just make sure you let me know if you'll be bringing your own syringe for a snack or if you want to borrow one of mine.

--K--

And away we go...for real! :-)

Happy girl! I'm going home tonight. In fact, I'm typing this in the airport. Even my jaw wire cutters made it. I think the process of getting through security exhausted me enough to sleep for about 6 hours.

And better still, I got all of the bandages off! My face still hurts like heck but at least I can take a shower and wash my hair.

In contrast, the wires were tightened. I wonder if there's a way to blenderize a Snickers Bar to make it syringe-ready?

--K--

PS: The airport has Muscle Milk! Is that good karma or what??!!

And away we go...

I'm really really hoping to get the surgeon's ok to go home today. My suitcase is mostly filled with pharmaceuticals and a token pair of jeans and t-shirt. Thank you everyone and hopefully my next post will be from Massachusetts!!

--K--

Not a bad day

I'm doing much better than I was even a week ago. The facial deformity and bruising have improved exponentially. I still have a lot of trouble breathing; I'm still eating with a syringe; and I still get tired insanely easily.

But things have improved enough that there is a good chance we can go home tomorrow, and I can complete additional treatments in MA. Happy camper here! I miss the Monsters and doggie and friends and neighbors. Cold weather be damned!

My body is demanding I respect a lot of its limitations right now. For example, despite the fact that I'm taking fewer pain medications, I'm still incredibly tired. Likely, I assume, because there is an enormous amount of energy involved in healing. I won't be able to drive for awhile and that will be challenging in suburbia. I could go on but suffice it to say, I'm learning a lot about letting go of what I can't control...and there's a lot I can't control.

On a more humorous note...tonight's dinner was cream of chicken soup. I didn't realize the tiny pieces of chicken would find a way to get lodged in the metal in my mouth and cut off a far amount of air. So I frantically brushed the braces and swirled water to make sure the airways spaces stayed open. I have one piece of chicken though that is now lodged on a wire on the inside of my mouth and I can't seem to get it to move. I hope some liquid one day forces it out of its current location and that it doesn't just sit there until these come off in 1 - 2 months! Does this sound like something Rosaana Anna Dana from the old SNL would have written?

--K--

Baby food - the lies exposed

So, I purchased a variety of foods in the "for babies" aisle. And the sweet stuff (fruit; oatmeal) wasn't half bad.

But I was really excited about finally getting to eat a "real" meal. Beef and vegetables. Chicken and rice. Beans and carrots.

And? It all tasted like intensely bland, overcooked squash.

If I were a baby/toddler with more cognitive skills and motor dexterity than the average baby/toddler, I would let my parents know they were being sold a bridge to nowhere. No wonder as soon as kids can, they eat crap. They've been lead astray in their precious formative years, being told that all of these tasty foods were really going to taste...well...tasty. Why should they now believe that a diet of only cheez doodlz, soda, and Snickers Bars isn't good for you?

I'm just sayin'...

--K..

Another day, another new adventure...

Every day, I learn something new regarding how to deal with this strange set of circumstances. Yesterday's gem came from my friend Holly, who suggested that I check out the baby foods aisle of the grocery store. I had been waiting until we got home, thinking that I would just put everything I could find into a blender. She said the baby foods industry has super blenders that can pulverize foods into a gloppy enough state to be syringe-ready.

I'm psyched to have an entirely new section of the store I can explore. I was becoming concerned when I was already getting sick of yogurt and I still have 6-8 weeks to go! Fortunately, I'm still pretty happy with cream of anything soup, Muscle Milk, and pudding, so I still have a few staples.

The smallest improvements continue to feel like huge victories. Yesterday, we went to a movie ("Valentine's Day"). I stayed awake, despite my medications, and it felt so good to be out and about and to ignore everything for a little while.

Today's adventure will be a trip to the gym. I'm not sure I'll do much there. I don't want to injure the vertebral or rib fractures. I can barely breathe just sitting, so I'd probably suffocate performing my usual cardio routine. I'll probably do some leg machines and a few crunches but at least I'll have made my way back into the place after about 2 weeks. I hope to be "strong like bull" again soon!

--K--

PS: I have since discovered that "go to the gym" and "work out at the gym" are completely different animals. I'd say the hardest part of going to the gym accepting my limitations. I have no energy whatsoever. But I'm being uncharacteristically patient with myself.

Reality check

We got some photos taken for medical records back today. I look horrific, even in shots taken as recently as yesterday. It made me sad. Not because I look disfigured; no doubt I do, but because it was a brutal and stark reminder of how horrific this accident was and still is.

That's why all of your support means so much to me. Thank you. It would be very easy to give in to depression.

--K--

PS: I don't intend to keep looking at the photos but it's actually been an unexpectedly positive experience. It's a little too easy for me to deny the seriousness of what happened. The reality check, and pausing to feel sad (but not immersing myself in it), are good, and healing.

Heaven in a cup

Jello has Chocolate Mousse in the refrigerated foods section. I can't eat it without diluting it with some Muscle Milk because it won't go into the syringe (and I can't locate the "to eat with a syringe" instructions on the package). Heaven in a cup!!

I am pretty tired this morning; had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. But yesterday was a good day and I'll take any good days I can get. I could breathe better; I got to stop taking one of my antibiotics (not that taking it bothered me; I just like taking one fewer thing); and I could wash my hair. Little things make a huge difference!

Our bathroom looks like a pharmacy. I have SO many pills upon pills that I take at various times throughout the day. My latest plan is to sell any of the narcotics to new friends I meet on the street, then advertise for a research study on narcotics and get funding to study that. Clearly this is an overlooked money making scheme if ever there was one!!

A number of people mentioned the staring issue, so I thought I'd follow-up.
I don't think people mean to be rude. I am usually on the other side of the fence anyway. Our society is so bombarded with invasions of our personal space, that I think part of the staring and hesitation is that people don't want to invade it further. People, even strangers, have generally been so nice. I think folks just don't know how to approach disability. I may try to make it easier by leading in with something humorous, like "if it weren't for that fall, I would have won the Gold!" I also don't interpret their responses as pity; I see genuine concern.

I think we can go home Wednesday or Thursday. HOOOOOORRRRAAAAYYYYYY! I miss the Monsters and the doggie and our friends and....

--K--

Better day

Maybe I just needed to have a bad day. Little has changed between yesterday and today, but I'm in much better spirits today.

There is small gyros restaurant near here and every time we walk past it, I crave one with a vengeance. I'm pretty sure I'm eating enough protein but there's a big difference between chewing it and drinking 6 containers of Muscle Milk. I can't wait to down a big plate of beef covered in vegetables! Even after the wires come out in 6-8 weeks though, I think it'll be awhile before I can sink my teeth into that little number.

I uncharacteristically want to sleep half the day. Jake is pushing me to take walks and go out. Last night, we saw Wicked. It was hard to stay awake, but I'm glad I was forced to go. As for the play itself, the plot is a little hard to follow but there's great singing and dancing.

Random observations:

Many people who work in hospitals are dedicated angels who make the world a better place. But there are a number who just don't like their jobs or patients. For example, my roommate (not the "why didn't I get wheat toast??" one) called for a nurse to help her to the rest room at around 3 AM. She was in a lot of pain and on an IV and could not navigate the trip independently. It took no less than 45 minutes for someone to come and that turned out to be the norm. And it's just not that busy at 3 AM! I was way too weak to be making this same trip without assistance but there was no way I was going to wait around for someone. Hospitals teach you a lot about dependency and what it is like to have, or not have, the very basic of needs met.

I like shopping at grocery stores and Target because I can walk around and steady myself with the cart and no one can tell that's why I have the cart.

People don't know what to do with someone who breaks social conventions. I'm not sure I'm any better with this either. I can tell that when people see me, they don't know whether to ask if I'm ok or look away or ignore the huge bruises and bandages on my face. We don't have a social etiquette that says how to handle these things.

Oh dear. Pain meds are kicking in...which is good but I think I should do something more today than type and sleep. So up we go!

--K--

Blech!!

Sorry for the lack of updates today. I was feeling very frustrated with my difficulty breathing; hungry and wanting to eat real food; tired of being tired; fed up with drooling all day long and carrying around a washcloth because I have no control over it...just generally grumpy and crabby and discouraged. I had a small meltdown with Jake earlier.

I'm now having a very late pudding snack a la syringe, and hoping Ms. Terrible Attitude has a better day tomorrow. If not, I'll share my glorious pity party here.

--K--

www.willitblend.com

My friends David and Robin recommended these, and I almost ruptured my stitches laughing. Decided they are WAY too good to be buried in the comments. Check out all of the "Will It Blend" series.

If only my blender had a "Tilapia Smoothie" button!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICuxBf1Ieu4

Do not try this at home!

I guess I was becoming too confident about my syringe eating technique. I decided to take it a step further by creating a meal (kind of). So I cooked oatmeal and yogurt on the handy in-room mini coffeemaker. Then I took a syringe bite.

What I discovered was that, instead of going into my mouth, it just put up a big wall of oatmeal paste outside of 1/2 of my mouth, thereby blocking off 1/2 of my airspace. So I then proceeded to frantically spit and brush the stuff off of my teeth and onto anything I was wearing and the floor. Very attractive move.

We are now returning to our culinary favorites and letting oatmeal retire for about 8 weeks, unless it's been blenderized beyond recognition.

--K--

Lots of good advice

I really need a book called, "What To Do If You Break Every Bone In Your Face and Have to Get Back on Your Feet in a Hotel 1000 Miles From Home." Not having this item, I've been asking for, and receiving, tons and tons of useful advice.

Such as? How to use wax to keep the pokey jaw wires in place. Making sure that I let the doctor know I'm not able to breathe at times (turns out that's common and my mouth will adjust to the wires and my nose will stop swelling soon. Scary when it happens though!). What pain meds are more or less likely to make me sick. My dear friend David reminded me that I have to be *past* the trauma to be dealing with POST-traumatic stress.

Everyday is a very slow start. Today we had the usual hour of squirting down a yogurt. Then Jake washed my hair because I can't get the bandages on my face wet. He has really been an amazing friend and partner through all of this!

We then went to the facial surgeon's office. He cleaned out my nose. It hurts like heck, but feels good to breathe for awhile afterwards. I go for another of these treatments on Friday. He and his staff are very knowledgeable and gentle. He also has a very funny sense of humor, so as I'm crying through the procedure, I'm laughing at his comments.

We then ran a few more errands, including getting copies of my medical records from the hospital. I went too long without food and pain medication and did not feel too good when we got back. I was shocked to find out I've lost 10 pounds. Weird that it's possible to spend so much time worrying about putting on weight, and when you're sick, weight comes off and it's not desirable at all.

I've discovered food favorites at the moment are any juice, cream of broccoli soup, and this stuff called Muscle Milk, a high protein concoction that goes down pretty easily. Ice cream and smoothies are out because I don't like cold stuff against my teeth and I can't use a straw. This diet soda queen has had maybe one, if that, in the last week and a half. No interest. I have also stopped drinking coffee (stopped in the hospital and figured since I was already over caffeine withdrawal, why restart).

My room is crowded with beautiful flowers from friends and family. And my very special friend Yasmin sent me two stuffies...one Tigger and one that looks just like Rocky (I named him Rocky Jr.)...and a copy of her new book, "Enlightening the World" about the Statue of Liberty (Yasmin Khan). Check it out; she is an eloquent author.

--K--

More sobering thoughts

Just a few...

First, I am realizing that I'm experiencing some post-traumatic stress,and there might be more to come. For example, I'm really uncomfortable riding in cars because of the possibility of an accident. It's also hard for me to not relive the sound of my face hitting the pavement.

Second, I am hearing more and more about other individuals who have had serious accidents on this device. Here is a sample:

http://www.aboutlawsuits.com/segway-scooter-394/

Third, I hope I can breathe through my nose again soon. That, combined with my jaw wired shut, is making the lack of easily-obtained oxygen really uncomfortable.

I have intentionally not posted photos. Not because I'm concerned about how I look (which surprises me) but because of the reactions I've received from several friends and family members who have seen me and/or photos. It's not something with which you want to surprise people.

The things that I expected to be bothering me...not being able to be active, having a thirty minute car ride be a major production, the possibility that my face will be deformed for some time to come...really aren't. It is also easy to take things one day at a time regarding when I have more surgeries, when I see which doctor, when we leave, etc. Since I don't have control over 99% of this, it's been remarkably easy for Type-A me to let go of it.

--K--

Never eat anything that can't be put into a syringe!

Ok...that just sounds wrong. Anyhoo...

Last night was rough because the pain was much more acute. I was reluctant to take more medications, however, because I don't want to feel nauseous. Plus, if I throw up, I have to find a way to quickly cut the jaw wires. I now have wire cutters in my purse (every woman's staple). So I am pretty wiped out today. Fortunately, I have no major press conferences either.

EVERYTHING is a production. Partly from pain; partly from feeling awkward; partly from being weak. A bath/shower is a minimum of a half hour; double that if I want to wash my hair. Eating a bowl of soup runs 1-2 hours.

The only way I can get down anything other than juice is with a syringe, squirting the food past my wired teeth. Because I can't breathe through my nose yet since the nasal surgery, half of the food makes it into my mouth; the other half lands on my shirt. Between the blood and drool and snoring, I am quite the little vixen! I now see that the reason people lose weight on liquid diets is not because of what they're eating; it's because half of it lands on their clothes.

Today I saw the facial surgeon, which I will be doing daily for the rest of this and early next week. I also will be visiting an orthopedist for the vertebra fracture(s). The facial surgeon is a delightful mix of very professional with an excellent bedside manner. I feel I am very capable hands. If I am lucky, the nose brace will come off at the end of the week. Unfortunately, the jaw wiring will likely have to stay on longer than 6 weeks because that is the worst of the facial damage, but time will tell. Time will also tell what I will need for additional surgeries and treatment but those can wait until we return home.

Our plan at the moment (and this is in flux) is to leave roughly the middle of next week. By then, the pain and bruising should be down to a dull roar. I'll have mastered the syringe eating technique and be able to walk down a train corridor; I couldn't possibly do that at the moment. We are leaning towards taking the train instead of flying because of the sinus fractures. In theory, I should be able to fly but I'm not eager to find out that was incorrect midway through a 4 hour flight.

Jake and I continue to be deeply touched by the outpouring of love and support we are receiving. I am certain I have the BEST family members and friends in the world. :-) The Clearwater Beach Hilton Hotel staff have been remarkably nice to us as well.

Give someone you care about an extra hug tonight. And I will do the same.

--K--