Countdown to nasal surgery

Blech. I'd rather the title be something like, "Countdown to winning the lottery" or "Countdown to an island vacation." My breathing is even worse now. I don't know if it's allergies or something else but what little air I could get past my blocked nasal passages is history. The good news, oddly, is that if I was even a little uncertain about my need for this surgery, I am now certain.

I got a call today from the doctor's office, stating that I needed to get an EKG, chest x-ray, and bloodwork before Thursday. I called and told the asistant that it was going to be difficult for me to fit the tests in. Fortunately, she said it wasn't a problem for me to have them taken at the hospital. The doctor and his assistants have all been very nice and helpful, and I have a lot of confidence in them.

That being said, "Countdown to the island vacation" is still sounding a lot better to me.

--K--

More fun

So, imagine my "shock and awe" (with thanks to my friend Adam for coming up with the clever name "Shock and Jaw" for his online blog about a broken jaw that resulted from a bike accident) when I opened a recent letter from my insurance company letting me know they were denying coverage for the charges from my hospital bill. Trust me, this is a big $$ number. I started calling on Friday and was directed to branches of the insurer in three states, each of whom had a slightly different tale to tell.

At the moment, however, it sounds like the problem may not be the insurance company. The hospital already billed the insurer and they already paid that bill a month or two ago. This seems to be a new set of large bills.

Since we're now in a holiday weekend, not much I can do at the moment. I'm sure the fun will continue for awhile. Stay tuned.

In the meantime, I went to see a dentist about my sore teeth and misaligned bite. I was looking forward to addressing this because it had developed into a chronic achiness that was reasonably unpleasant. The dentist had some emergency that day, however, and needed to reschedule. I went to another dentist instead.

Ahhhh! Some relief! He drilled some of the teeth, rechecking my bite as he worked. My teeth feel much better. Still sore but much less so. My bite is still misaligned, but he wanted to take a conservative approach, so I'll see him again in a few weeks or so.

Nasal surgery in 13 days!

--K--

And back by popular demand...

I fell down on the blogging job. Several friends and family members asked what was up, which prodded me to log on and write tonight.

The main reason for my lack of updates is...well...lack of updates. How many times can I say, "I really wish I could breathe through my nose?"; "My teeth and lips hurt."; etc.?

That being said...I do wish my teeth and lips would stop hurting. My teeth being sore may be a function of still needing to have my dentist try to fix the bite issues. I had an appointment for this last week, but I was in the middle of so many deadlines at work that it seemed more stressful not to reschedule. I didn't know it would start to get under my skin as much as it has. The dentist appointment is now next week, and I won't change it.

My lips...I guess lips just have a lot of nerve endings and take a really long time to heal completely. I'll ask the ENT surgeon when I have the nasal surgery. Which is scheduled for June 10.

As much as I want to be able to breathe through my nose again easily, I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY don't want to go through the surgery. Not up for more pain and feeling uncomfortable.

The nasal surgery is hardly a big deal, certainly in contrast to resetting my nose and jaw and the 8 weeks of recovery that involved. From what I understand, I'll be encased in bandages and packing for a week. After they're removed, I should be a lot more comfortable but still need another week of heavy recovery time. Still, I would be happy to skip it altogether.

So, with all that, how am I doing? Great, in fact. My energy level is really good. I'm working full-time (and then some) and regularly enjoying activities with family and friends. The weather has been beautiful, and I'm taking advantage of it by going for walks...and I don't have to worry about cold fingers and toes and jaw wires.

Oy...the wires. I DO NOT MISS THE WIRES!!! Pancakes are much better not in a syringe. :-)

--K--

More updates

Today I went to see a dentist about my front teeth, which still are a little loose and still hurt when I bite something. He said that he thought there had probably been some mild shifting. I'll return in a few weeks and have some teeth shaved down. Hopefully that will solve the problem. He also seemed to think braces and even a retainer won't be necessary. Hopefully he's correct.

Inspired by how well things were going, I tried eating a carrot last week. To say that didn't turn out to be a good plan would be a mammoth understatement. Trying to use my front teeth to bite into it was about as effective as trying to use my nose to bite into it. They weren't strong enough or anchored enough and it hurt.

I then tried just using my molars, a very attractive method (try eating a carrot by putting into the side of your mouth to bite into it). My right side, where the accident had occurred, couldn't chew it at all. My left could, leaving me with jaw spasms severe enough to require Vicodin.

If eating a vegetable leaves you needing heavy pain medications after doing so, it's a good sign that eating the vegetable was a bad idea.

Fortunately, my birthday was the next day and all that required was that I get through a piece of cake. Much safer. Still, I opted for a soft foods diet that day, after the previous day's trauma. Chocolate pudding went down just fine though.

--K--

Happy 51st Birthday!

First, let me explain...I LOVE birthdays. My own. Other people's. Doesn't matter. I think an occasion that demands cake and ice cream should be a national holiday.

I have a LOT to celebrate this year. I could have been hurt much much worse. I could be writing this from a wheelchair. Or not writing this. Or writing it with plates in my face. And none of those things are true. So even though I'm not yet fully recovered, I am in great shape compared to where I was even two weeks ago.

I also celebrate how much support and encouragement I've received. I don't know how much psychological factors and karma influence the healing process, but I'm certain that they do. I keep hearing how upbeat I've been and, truth be told, I don't think I could have maintained that without the constant stream of well wishes I've received over this now 2.5 month period. I'm really really lucky.

Last, but not least, I celebrate my wonderful loving family. Jake has been a partner in every sense of the word. My stepsons regularly kept me in heavy supplies of hugs and laughter. My brother Alan was always with me and I still wear the bracelet he gave me when I was in the hospital.

As for my parents...my resiliency was passed down from four remarkable individuals. I received some of the most terrific messages from my stepmother Lee. I know my mom and Harry (stepfather) were behind me every step of the way, even though they're not physically present anymore.

As for my dad...well, the sense of humor in me is clearly genetic. I think he enjoyed reading this blog from wherever he is now even as much as I enjoyed writing it.

--K--

All the news that's fit to print

Hi there, friends of segwaysarebad! Progress marches on.

I even went to a restaurant (Panera) this weekend. That was probably a week or so premature. Yes, I can eat soup but going out for soup wasn't what I had in mind. I ordered a salad and bread but discovered that I had to put the food into my mouth and kind of let it "melt" a little first before trying to chew it. Which didn't quite lend itself to the experience I was hoping for.

My front teeth still hurt, which surprised the surgeon. I'll have a consultation with her later this week. My bite is off too. Once the issue with my teeth is cleared up, I'll see my dentist. I am really hoping I don't need braces! That was bad enough when I was 13. My birthday is this Friday, and I don't think it's going to be more fun at 51, thank you very much.

My lips are still very swollen and sore and numb. At work, from time to time, I find a lisp slips out because I can't really feel where my lips are. Hardly a big deal, but it feels odd when it happens.

At this point, I'm ready to have the nasal surgery behind me. Still, I know it's better for my mouth to be stable before launching into this next round of adventures.

All this notwithstanding, I feel like I'm on the home stretch, even if it's a long stretch...

--K..

Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to work we go...

Today was my first day back at work (well, tomorrow officially is). I am really off my game. I couldn't remember a lot of what I do on autopilot, especially too early in the morning. Getting out the door required a lot of extra thought.

I couldn't quite get the makeup routine down, which was also hampered by figuring out how to maneuver around parts of my face that still hurt or are still numb. And putting it on made me again realize how swollen my jaw and lips still are.

And I missed the exit off of the highway a couple of times. I wasn't tired; I just wasn't used to having to concentrate so hard on what hadn't needed concentration before.

That aside, it was nice to be back; I work with a good crowd. It was an interesting day interacting with folks and catching up. I also spent part of the day finding "treasures" around my office. All kinds of goodies, like an extra pair of shoes for when I had to wear boots in and other such odds and ends that I brought home.

And food! I am definitely feeling the effects of not having eaten much for the past two months. My appetite came back in spades today. I had to pace myself and I still ate a lot more than I had been. It feels good now not to be hungry and better still to make it past a Rye Krisp cracker!!

--K--

The food festival marches on

I haven't posted for a little while. Mostly because, I'm happy to say, there's less and less to report about recovery from the accident. Which in and of itself is huge. But there was also a little interference from a visit from Jake's parents, which was very welcome, and a major computer crash, which was not.

I was told by the surgeon that my front teeth would stop hurting so much, and this is true. I was also told I needed to stay with a soft foods diet for a week or so; also true.

But progress on the eating front is happening rapidly. Vegetables don't have to be quite as overcooked. And yesterday, I made it through melon and strawberries. I treated myself to fruit from Whole Foods, because I figured if I was going to eat fruit again for the first time in months, it was going to be really good fruit. No more Spaghettio's types of experiments. I still have to gingerly eat small pieces and chew a lot...but it's not yogurt in a syringe!

My lips and lower jaw are still notably swollen and probably will be for the foreseeable future. I'm told that just makes me a trend setter, like Angela Jolie. Which is ironic, because people keep coming up to me, mistaking me for her. :-) Perhaps I'll keep this look!

--K--

Continuing on...

I'm continuing to make progress and really excited about it! Tonight, I tried eating a mushroom. That didn't go too well. But I am eating overcooked vegetables. And I tried a can of Nick's Spaghettio's with meatballs, out of curiosity. My stomach was not happy at all (hard to believe that's considered food!), but the noodles and "meatballs" (which is a huge misnomer!!) had been soaking for so long, I was able to swallow it just fine. Progress in leaps and bounds!

My surgeon said that the issue with my front teeth is common after the wires are removed. I can't believe I didn't knock out any teeth when I fractured most of the bones in my face. Anyway, the front teeth are beginning to feel a little more normal again.

My lips are still pretty swollen. I had been attributing that to the wires but now I realize it's also (or mostly) from having injured them and needing stitches when I fell. That seems to be taking a long time to heal, since it's been nearly 2 months.

Since I'm eating more, my craving for burgers has diminished significantly. I'm still pretty happily eating chocolate pudding daily. I think that may be a staple that I continue with for awhile, even when I can chew peanuts again!

[The Next Day...] My jaw is not happy at all. I think I overdid it yesterday. I think I'll go back to that "go slowly" thing.

--K--

Good news!

I got the wires out today! I hadn't expected that when I went to see the surgeon; I thought it would just be a usual follow-up appointment.

The process itself was a little daunting. He gave me between 10-15 shots of Novocain. I wasn't doing too well by about #6. Then he said I'd feel a little pressure and then experience something like flossing (since the wires are pulled between each tooth). If you've ever flossed with razor wire, you can probably relate.

Now I have to work my way up to regular food. I tried a canned carrot, which sent spasms through my jaw, as does too much talking. So I'm still on purees, soups, and being a lot less loquacious than usual.

Also, something is wrong with my front teeth. They feel loose, for lack of a better word, and the gums are enormously sensitive. I'll have to see a regular dentist soon and have that checked out. I thought it would go away when the wires came out but no such luck and it's been true since the accident.

I also still have nasal surgery coming in June. The surgeon suggested I wait to see how well my breathing improved with the wires removed. And it has; no doubt, but I still can barely breathe through my nose. I can't say I'm too happy about more surgery but hopefully that will be the end of the surgeries.

Still, this is huge progress. And almost no syringes (unless my jaw flares up, then all bets are off).

And even more progress!

Well, now it seems like the progress is increasing exponentially by the day. I am currently able to eat 75% of what I'd been eating with a syringe with a baby spoon. Today I went as far as a fork and ate cottage cheese, without putting it into a blender. I can't really say I'm chewing yet; more like swirling the item long enough in my mouth so that I can swallow it. I also brushed the inside of my mouth with a baby toothbrush; this is another first.

I tried eating a small piece of fish, just to see what would happen. What happened (I know you're on the edge of your chair in suspense) is that I chewed and chewed and chewed and eventually gave up. I'm not really chewing as much as both my upper and lower molars were touching the fish, with the rubber bands getting in the way and no real chewing taking place.

I have to eat tiny bites and not talk too much and be really careful when I open because my jaw still easily objects and goes into spasm. Still, this is huge progress.

I feel like a toddler who is learning to walk and finds that it's easier to resort to crawling. I'm a much faster eater with a syringe than with utensils.

And for another fascinating fact...I'm a left-handed syringer, but right-handed for most other tasks. So I have some degree of ambidexterity (that's a very big word, you know). I wonder what other things I can do left-handed? I'm not eager for another situation like this accident to present itself for me to find out.

Anyway, I am more and more optimistic that I will be eating with some degree of normalcy soon. Still wired for at least another week (not sure about the rubber bands) and now have nasal surgery in June. But still, I'm enjoying every last one of these baby steps!

--K--

Progess

I think I'm getting a little more used to the rubber bands. I can now take pills, which feels like a huge improvement over using liquid medications with a syringe. Most of the liquids taste terrible too. How I take them is a little comical. I have to watch myself in a mirror to make sure I've opened my mouth wide enough to get the pill in. It feels like my mouth is wide open, and there's barely a gap. Then I have to figure out where it's open enough and put the pill in.

I have to be careful because my jaw, particularly the left side, goes into spasm very easily, and now that I can open a little, I want to talk and talk and talk.... I tried that the first day of the rubber bands and felt pretty terrible within about an hour. But my jaw is loosening a little bit each day.

Yesterday I was feeling bold and decided to try to eat a piece of chocolate. You could see this coming, right? :-) Anyway, a Hersheys is HUGE compared to what my mouth can handle. I had to suck on the candy rather than chew it and couldn't really open my mouth again after getting it in because it hurt. So I was kind of choking on it. All in all, I'd say it was not one of my better moves. I think I will wait another month before pulling that stunt again.

Still, this is improvement. Plus, I have a lot more energy. Right after I got out of the hospital, I'd walk 2 blocks and then nap for 2 hours. I was sleeping 13-16 hours per day. Now I can stay awake all day and have a decent amount of energy through the day. My breathing is still bad, unfortunately. I'll have to have surgery in a month.

But anyway, I am working towards another piece of chocolate. So I have a goal.

--K--

Three steps forward, two steps back

I walked into the maxillo facial surgeon's office on Monday and was told that the wires clamping my jaw together would be replaced by rubber bands. What this means is that the wires around each tooth remained intact but the "up and down" wires holding my upper and lower jaws together were removed. The "individual tooth wires" and the rubber bands will then be on for another two weeks. I was also told now I could easily talk, switch to soft foods, and breathe again.

Based on this, which of the following is/are NOT true:

a) My gums would be less cut up by the wires.
b) I could switch from a mostly liquids to a soft foods diet.
c) I could talk more easily.
d) I could throw away the syringes.

If you identified b), c), and d) as the false statements, you would be correct and win a gold star!

I made the mistake, however, of taking the surgeon at his word and got very excited talking to Jake during the trip home about getting rid of the syringes and eating overcooked eggs for lunch. I then got home, tried to take a bite a yogurt with a spoon, screamed in agony, realized that my jaw was also very unhappy with all of the talking, and decided that the surgeon needed to actually go through this experience so that he'd know what he was talking about.

Sigh.

Still, things on the medical front are better. It's easier to use the syringe than when the foods had to made it past all of the wires. I can breathe a little bit better, even if not as well as expected. I'm talking to an ENT surgeon at Tufts about scheduling nasal surgery for May or June. I have fewer wires chopping up my lips (which have pretty major callouses on them).

I think I'm more frustrated now though by the slow progress because my expectations were so high. Truth be told, I am feeling a little sorry for myself.

--K--

The relaxing pedicure that wasn't...

So, I thought I'd take a break in the middle of my currently favorite dinner...pureed carrots, pureed V8 buttermilk soup, and pudding, to write about the relaxing pedicure I tried to get today. While I did get a pedicure, I'm not sure I would characterized it as a "relaxing pedicure."

This visit to a salon came courtesy of my very nice friends from work. Before I continue, let me add the caveat that my friends had nothing to do with what transpired next.

I walked into this salon, which was new to me, and the very cheerful and energetic 27-year-old technician started with small talk. About 10 minutes into this, I explained that it's difficult for me to talk (today was particularly tough because it's cold, so my breathing was really bad). "Oh...ok."

She worked in silence for about 45 seconds. Followed by, "So how old are your kids? What are you going to do this summer? Do you have any weekend plans? Can you recite the Pledge of Alligence? Now can you recite it backwards? If you were a cookie, what kind would you be and why?..."

AAAARRRGGGHHHH!

This was followed by shouting across the salon of her weekend plans, ending with, "I hope I'm not hung over tomorrow. I hate when I come to work hung over."

The next time I want to be pampered, I'm going to get my oil changed.

--K--

Same ol' same ol' (kind of)

I've been asked from time to time about lapses in blogging. My less frequent appearances are because a lot of healing involves...waiting. And waiting. And waiting. I don't need to visit doctors daily. I just need to wait. But that's what healing is. There's actually a lot going on, but not that lends itself to blogging.

For those of you who know me well, this is not exactly my forte. "Can the wires come off NOW? How about NOW? NOW? NOW? NOW?..."

Otherwise, the days slowly move along, and I wait for the days the wires come off; and then for the days I can move my jaw again; and then for the days I can chew. I wonder if my jaw is always going to look a little distorted as it does right now. I think about when to schedule the nasal surgery. Probably sometime this summer, since the bones need to be healed enough not to create new problems by having more surgery. I wonder what other surgeries will be needed. I was told to expect more and that what they are will become more obvious over time but I don't know yet.

I try to be in the here and now and sometimes I'm better at it than others. Gratitude keeps me in the moment. I think about hoping that someone in the hospital would answer the call button and bring me a Popsicle after several days of vomiting. And then I think about being able to go for a walk and how much better this is than the hospital experience. And I'm grateful for that. When I'm syringing, I remember this could have easily been so much worse. We Friends are a tough family. And I'm grateful for that.

There is a lot to be grateful for. Even when I don't feel like being grateful, there really is a lot to be grateful for.

Anyway, less to blog about daily...but a lot going on...

--K--

More Misc Musings...

I should offer a prize for good titles.

I'm glad I've continued to work out. I am not nearly as strong as I used to be (understatement of the month). And my breathing is so poor, I can't do much cardio either. That said, it helps me mentally in so many ways. It wouldn't if I compared myself to pre-accident but instead, I've been comparing myself to the previous week or the time I was in the hospital. And then I'm so glad to be even able to move and proud for pushing myself (without overdoing it), that I feel better because of that as well.

This accident robbed me of the ability to control a lot of my activities and my life. Exercising feels like a tiny way to take some of that control back.

Good and bad days…like the rest of us, I have them. For me, the good days make me think I’m going to have a linear projection of good days…where I can breathe relatively better and feel energized and stay awake all day. I haven’t been surprised when a good day is followed by a day where I can’t get much air in and I’m constantly exhausted. But I am disappointed I don’t seem to have a linear trajectory of good days in a row yet.

Btw, I like the word, “trajectory.”

When I’m better again, I hope I remember it’s the little things, as much as the big things, that make our lives richer. I found V8 makes this wonderful butternut squash soup. In the blender on “puree” for about 30 seconds and voila!

And no, I don’t get a commission for sales on V8 soups…or on Muscle Milk. Much as I should…

--K--

4 weeks and counting...

Tomorrow marks the 4th week that the wires have been on. Usually, I feel like time passes remarkably quickly but not now. I am acutely aware of EVERY SINGLE DAY.

So, I just had lunch; a mix of canned carrots and spaghetti sauce thrown in a blender. Does that sound good or what? My mouth is now an orange mess, so I'll do my daily or every other day uber cleaning ritual.

And what might that be? First, we start with a baby toothbrush and a Waterpik. The Waterpik has been a lifesaver. It's the only thing that gets the gunk out from between the wires. Then I take off the pieces of wax covering the sharpest points, on the gums above and below my top and bottom teeth. The wax has been accumulating food all day, so it's usually not a pretty sight. Then I do a really thorough cleaning, which feels great. Then I put in new pieces of wax, which is kind of awkward because my lips are swollen and somewhat cut up and in the way.

For those of you having trouble picturing it, I cannot open my mouth AT ALL. My upper teeth are essentially tied to my lower teeth, with no possibility of movement. While I can't wait to brush and floss my teeth post-wires, I imagine it'll be seriously disgusting in there after 6 weeks!

Was that too much information? Are you sorry you read my blog today? :)

--K--

Updates; Food

First, updates:

The MRI showed the process fracture at C5 and related swelling. The neurosurgeon said that is why I am having back pain; it's referred pain. He said this should improve as the fracture heals. I'm going to take a conservative approach and try physical therapy and muscle relaxants if needbe. I'm going to look for better office furniture as well, since the main time this hurts is when I sit at a desk, and I will be doing a lot of that when I return to work.

Food:

There has been a lot of interest in what I'm eating. It's a strange diet, since I'm used to being able to eat...well...food. I'll just take yesterday as an example.

3-4 containers of Muscle Milk
2-3 yogurts
Baby food oatmeal (ground up enough to make it into a syringe)
2 cans of tomato soup
2 canned of pureed carrots
1 box of chocolate pudding

Oddly, I'm not tired of what I'm "eating." But I'm really missing what I'm not having. The part I'm finding the most frustrating is having to drink/liquefy everything and using the syringe.

Using a syringe allows me to eat more "solid" foods, like yogurt and pudding. I could just go with an all-liquid diet, but it really livens things up to be able pretend to eat something. However, in addition to just not being all that appealing, it often irritates my already cut-up-from-the-wires lips. And inevitably, at least 25% or more ends up on my clothes, the table, the floor...

I also recently found out that it'll be a month or more after the wires are removed before I'm eating anything resembling a normal diet. In fact, it will even be awhile before I can eat soft foods. I guess your jaws become very stiff from lack of use and don't open very well.

At least I'll be able to breathe better. And if I could throw away my syringe collection, I'd be a happy camper. But...that said...I was so psyched for a burger (an item for which I never have cravings) and carrots and apples.

--K--

My experience as a patient

I'm writing today's column inspired by being angry at my latest physician visit.

This morning, I had an MRI. I knew that I would be in a small tube and that claustrophobia could be a concern.

What I didn't know was that I would have to listen to extremely loud noise for 30 minutes. The technician asked if I had any questions before starting the procedure. I thought I knew what was going to happen. Asking, "Will it sound like I will be listening to jackhammers the entire time?" didn't occur to me. Go figure.

It would have taken an extra 45 seconds to explain what was going to happen. I did a lot of deep breathing and visualization and got through it, but it was unnecessarily stressful because I wasn't given even basic information.

I am a researcher. I have been conducting research for most of 30 years. I have a lot of respect for the research on which Western Medicine is built. I understand how a good investigation is conducted. And I get frustrated when people just dismiss Western approaches because they don't understand research, and embrace Eastern because what sometimes sounds like "magic" is easier to comprehend.

Up until this accident, I have probably given lip service to seeing the need for a balance between Eastern and Western Medicine. But I didn't really "get" it. I do now. Western Medicine, as it is PRACTICED, can be very alienating. I don't mean my experience with individual practitioners; there are some whose intelligence and compassion have been exemplary. But the field as a whole has a lot to learn from its counterparts.

I think if Eastern Medicine were practiced with the often same lack of regard for the individual, interest in it would decline exponentially. There has to be a better way to do this.

--K--

More doctor visits

Yesterday I had a consultation with an ENT surgeon at the New England Medical Center (Tufts) about my breathing difficulties. He told me that the nasal damage is significant (you'd never be able to tell just looking at me). The surgery has to be scheduled at least 3-6 months post-accident so that the fractures are healed and stabilized.

Although the original plan was to remove the jaw wires and have the nasal surgery at the same time, now it sounds like they will be two separate events. He did indicate that he thought my breathing would improve a lot once the wires were removed. I have to confess that emotionally, I'm kind of glad for a break between activities. My head was not ready for more surgery yet, though if that had been the best course medically, I would have done it.

Tomorrow is a spinal MRI, followed by a visit with a neurosurgeon later in the week. My back is still extremely sore, even painful at times. I am hoping that this problem either has an easy solution, or requires no intervention and will quickly heal on its own. Sigh...

It's not raining and is a little warmer, which is better on my breathing, so I'm going to officially declare today an ok day (so far, anyway). One day at a time...

--K--